WTF

Fire Away, Drugs - Fire Away, Murderer

(A/N) - dailycatty I would apologize for potentially ruining an amazing book by what I'm putting in here, but oh well and I hope you find it funny. #sorrynotsorry

~•~SCENARIO 1~•~

"RACHEL!!! RACHELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!" Georgie wails at the top of his lungs, despair laced in his voice. He sobs, his tears landing on something he is holding close to his chest.

"WHY?! OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!! PLEASE, BRING HER BACK! RACHELLLLL!!!!!!" Georgie's voice breaks off, a completely and utterly despair-filled scream coming out of his mouth. Georgie hears footsteps in front of him, and sadly looks up.

"Georgie, if you don't shut the fuck up I'm never going to let you come back to my house again." Rachel grumpily says, her arms crossed over her pregnant stomach. "And besides, if you're still so upset about me eating your enchilada, something is definitely wrong with you." Georgie's eyes start tearing up again after Rachel says this.

"B-but Señorita Francisco and I had planned out our wedding tonight and everything! I had even hired singers!" Rachel's eye twitches at the mention of 'Señorita Francisco'.

"Georgie, would you honestly pick an enchilada over me, the woman who is carrying your child?" She asks. Georgie blushes and scratches his neck awkwardly before nodding.

"Señorita Francisco was my everything, you see. She offered me love, her entire heart," Georgie makes an angry expression, puffing his cheeks out. "Something you won't do." Rachel clenches her fists and lunges at him.

"ARRGH! YOU MAKE ME SO MAD SOMETIMES! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, AND GO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE YOU ASSHOLE!" Rachel harshly shoves Georgie out the door and before slamming the door in his face yells; "NEXT TIME I'M GONNA EAT THAT STUPID TACO!!!"

"NOT SEÑOR CARLOS!!!" Rachel hears Georgie wail from the other side of the door.

~•~SCENARIO 2~•~

Carey was not having a good day. First of all, she was hanging out with Xavier. What's so wrong about that, you might ask?

~•~•~ Earlier That Day ~•~•~

"Hey Carey, do you wanna hang out tomorrow at the mall?" Xavier asks Carey, whom is rearranging the books on the bookshelf in his office alphabetically. Her heart skips a beat, hoping that this will finally be when he asks her out. She turns around, smiling and walking towards his desk where he is sitting.

"Sounds good to me! When and where do you want to meet?" Carey asks. Xavier gets up out of his chair, walking to stand next to her.

"How about 12 in the food court?" He asks, to which Carey nods her head.

"Meet you there!" She chirps. She is about to walk out the door, when Xavier suddenly stops her.

"Sorry if what I said earlier was misleading. I wasn't asking you out, I just wanted to hang with a friend, you know? Our friendship is valuable and I don't want to ruin it, and besides, I only see you as just that. A close friend." Xavier says. Carey's face scrunches up in the pain and realization of being friend zoned for a split second before returning to smiling like nothing was wrong.

"Okay." Carey manages to say, before walking out of his office. As soon as she exits, she walks straight out of the entire building and gets in her car, planning on heading home. As she drives, she turns on her radio.

'How do you love someone, without getting hurt? How do you love someone, without falling in the dirt? Sometime in my life, clouds have blocked the sun...' The radio softly sings. Carey's eyebrow twitches before she switches stations.

'Oh, he don't love me, he don't love me, he don't love me, he don't love me, but that's okay' Carey growls at the radio, changing the station again.

'Say something, I'm giving up one you. I'll be the one, if you want me to. Anywhere, I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you.' Carey silently grits her teeth and punches the button to change the station.

'I'm so sick of this fake love, fake love, fake love. I'm so sorry but it's fake love, fake love, fake-' Carey mutters a string of profanities, deciding to turn the radio off. She sits in silence as she drives, brooding over her conversation with Xavier.

Suddenly the car engine sputters a few times before completely giving out, leaving Carey in the middle of the highway.

"Great, and just when I thought my day couldn't get any fucking worse!" Carey exclaims, rubbing her temple as she scrolls through a list of automobile companies that she could contact on her phone.

~•~•~

After calling an automobile company, Carey leans back in her seat. She lets out a deep sigh, trying her hardest to ignore the car horns honking at her as they drive past, some irritated drivers going as far as to give her 'the bird' through a rolled down window.

Just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, a van sporting the automobile company's logo pulls up behind her. She opens her car door and gets out to greet the person repairing her car, and is shocked when she catches a glimpse of their face.

'Holy mother of high protein cloud babies,' Carey thinks. 'If all automobile company employees look like this my car needs to start breaking down more often.'

Carey and the employee continue to gaze at each other, both liking what they see. Without knowing what's happening, Carey finds herself being carried bridal style by the employee, the stubble on his chin looking extremely yummy.

"Why hello there~" The employee speaks, his deep voice the equivalent of removing a sheet of paper from a notebook perfectly and without ripping it or getting those annoying stringy things everywhere. (Basically it's perfect and satisfying sksnsksjb)

"Wha-what's your name?" Carey breathes out, entranced by his beauty.

"I'm Yavier, but you can just call me Yourdreamguywhowill****your*****~"

(Ffs guys it says free your heart get your mind out of the gutter--)

"Oaky" Carey exhales, sniffing his hair to find that it smells perfect, like those honey sticks you see at the stores that always look and smell so good but your parents never let you get any.

Yavier is about to say something else when suddenly Xavier rockets down from the sky, a bottle filled with liquid in his hand.

"NOT TODAY, SATAN." Xavier screams, twisting the cap off the bottle and splashing Yavier with it.

"NOOO, MY PERFECTLY SCENTED HAIR!" Yavier screams as he begins to melt. "SHE DIDNT EVEN GET TO SNIFF MY ABS YET, THEY SMELL LIKE THE TYPE OF BEEF JERKY THAT SMELLS AMAZING BUT TASTES HORRID!"

Xavier just turns towards Carey, ignoring Yavier.

"So," he begins. "Wanna f-"

Carey wakes up from her nightmare drenched in sweat.

"What the actual fuck was that?!" She curses, before noticing how much she's sweating. She lifts up her arm and sniffs it before coming to the conclusion that no, this isn't sweat she's drenched in. Carey looks up.

"Uhmm-- this is kinda awkward..." Xavier trails off, quickly hiding the empty water bucket behind his back. Carey just lays back down on her bed.

"For gods sake, Xavier. It doesn't matter if it's a dream or real life, you always manage to be a complete weirdo."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

A/N

Fun fact: this is actually a draft from a year ago that I had never published.

There was actually supposed to be more scenarios than just two, but lazy me from a year ago decided to never finish them.

Hope you enjoyed, I for one am thoroughly convinced I did the right thing in named this book WTF. So far it definitely lives up to its name.