Love on the Scale

Chapter Eight

I came out of the showers with a towel around my neck, and looked for Neil. The morning crowd of models and bodybuilders had died down over the hours; we'd been there for about four. Despite the aching pain I knew I'd be in the next day, part of me was proud. I'd survived a day at the gym with a male model. Never did I think I'd be able to say that.

Neil was nowhere in sight, and I bit my lip, wondering what to do. Did he go to finish working out, maybe? He probably had to keep his workout simple, since I was here. Who knew what he usually did? A group of women in short, stretchy shorts and sports bras passed me, and one looked me over from head to toe. I heard their giggling.

I took a step in the opposite direction, and ran into someone else. Hands rested on my shoulders when I tried to apologize and move, holding me in place. "Whoa, where's the fire?"

The sound of Neil's voice didn't relax me, instead causing my muscles to bunch even more. I pulled away from him and started towards the exit. He kept up without trouble, at my side. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Hold on a second-"

"No, I need to go home-"

He rushed ahead of me. and blocked my way, immobile. He crossed his arms. "What happened?"

"What I knew would happen! Everyone is judging me. I'm surrounded by people that look like you- no one fat is here, and even if they were it wouldn't make much of a difference. I need to get out of here, and-"

"If you don't face this now, you'll never face it again. You won't come back to this gym, and you'll never get better."

I glared at him. "I don't have a disease. I'm just fine the way I am, so excuse me-"

"Are you just fine? Didn't you just get done accusing me of being in on a bet of some sort? Because 'no one would ever want to talk to you?'"

Another group of girls passed by during my silence, and one broke away to stand in front of me, in front of Neil. "Hi, I'm Kayla."

I took a step back; she'd moved right in front of me, as if I didn't exist. Like I wasn't a human being at all. Maybe she was right.

"Neil. Look, I'm in the middle of-"

"Sorry, I just... well, I've seen you working out here a lot, and I thought I'd finally talk to you. We should have coffee sometime."

I couldn't see Neil's face, but his tone was ice cold when he answered. "Why?"

The girl paused. I pictured her raising her eyebrows. "You know, to get to know each other... have some fun. You seem fun."

"Yeah? Well you seem very rude."

"Excuse me?"

"No. Excuse ME, because I was speaking to someone before you stepped in front of her as if she didn't exist."

The girl turned, and looked at me. She smiled, eyes hard. "Oh. Right, well I thought you might need rescuing. She came up and started talking to you, and you were obviously bored, so..."

As she stood to the side, I could see Neil's face in it's entirety. My instinct told me to run, but I didn't. I wanted to see what he would say. Or maybe I didn't, but his answer would let me know what to do. His eyes didn't leave the girl's, and he smiled. My stomach dropped.

"No, you see, I think you're the one who needs rescuing. That ignorance alone will get you into a lot of trouble one day. I was busy trying to get this girl to spend the day with me, so no, I didn't need rescuing. And I'm not interested in having coffee with you, if that's not clear. Ready to go, Christelle?"

I hesitated, but nodded, and followed him towards the exit. Once outside, I stepped to the side and stopped. He followed, and before I could say anything, he did.

"I'm not judging you, Christelle. I've never judged you, and I'm not going to. Who cares about those people inside? I don't know them, you don't know them, and they shouldn't matter to you."

When I laughed in disbelief and turned my head, he put both hands on the sides of my face. There was nowhere to look but into his eyes. "Don't be scared. I'm not those people. I think you're beautiful, and I'd like to get to know YOU better, not that... not that other girl. Why won't you let me?"

I shoved him before I could think. "Because you're insane! This doesn't happen! I'm... you're going to find out fast that I'm not someone you want to hang out with. I'm not a fun person, or interesting- you're the first guy I've talked to like this in... EVER. I'm a loser, okay? Why won't you just leave me alone?"

He grinned. "You feel that? That's angry, what you are right now."

"I'm not angry, I'm frustrated, because you won't take no for an answer!"

"Doesn't it feel good?"

The question made me pause, and I frowned. Did it feel good? What kind of question was that?

"James has told me so much about you; I felt like I knew you when he introduced us. One of the things he said most was that you never get angry. Or if you do, you hold it in. How did it feel to push me just now? It felt good, didn't it? Didn't it? I know it did. I want to help you let your emotions out, and help your confidence grow. If that means working out with you, I'll take it, but I'd like to do more than that."

My lip stung as I bit it too hard. What he was saying, I neither believed, nor understood, but it was clear he wasn't going to let it go. "Fine."

His eyes lit up, though he didn't smile. "Yeah?"

"I said fine."

My mood didn't deter him; he linked his arm through mine and pulled me along towards the parking lot. "I knew you'd give in eventually."

Maybe he didn't mean the things he said, and maybe I'd end up where I was before meeting him. But I was seeking solace from somewhere; I had hit an all time low. Maybe I'd find some comfort in Neil.