One Thousand Tears

Are You Happy Now?

I refuse to keep taking on the blame.
I'm not the cause of your problems or your temporary pain.
I asked you to love me.
That's all I wanted because it's what I deserved.
You only judged me.
Always making me feel worse.
You pretend to care because you know I'll come back.
But now the tables are turning and I'm fighting back.
I'm still damaged and broken inside,
But you won't get to see me cry this time.
You had a chance to make things right.
You saw my pain but brushed it aside.
Somehow your feelings became my fight.
All I ever tried to do was be the daughter that was good enough to gain your love.
I should've known that loving someone else was something you weren't capable of.
I asked you to try.
Try to be a mother for once in your life.
Expecting you to put me first like you could ever have that kind of time.
I could drown in the amount of tears you've caused my eyes to cry.
I got your letter, by the way.
Do you feel better now that I know how you feel about me.
I hope you choke on those words you wrote.
The ones you underlined to capture your sarcasm.
I could see the smirk on your face as I read the evil truth that you put to paper in ink.
My heart still crumbles in my chest with the sound of your name.
You keep pretending we're playing a game.
Telling me I'll never win.
Hoping you'll destroy me enough to make me give in again.
It caught you by surprise when I threw the past back in your face.
Reminding you of every tragedy that forces you to take the blame.
Instead of feeling sorry,
You somehow felt enraged.
You took my self esteem and locked it in your cage.
You used me for your own personal gain.
Attention, sympathy, and make-believe pain.
You never expected me to shut you out.
To realize one day what your cruel intentions were all about.
I told you goodbye for the last time today.
I hope it fucking kills you in a thousand painful ways.
Loving you was one thing,
Expecting you to love me back the same, was where my thoughts must've finally gone insane.
I hope you're happy now.
Now that you're alone and cold.
Are you happy now?
My perception of you will never change,
no matter how many times it gets told.
I hope you're miserable now.
Consumed with the realization that your happiness was only a mirage in your brain, formed by all the pain you caused that made me change in every way.
So tell me, are you happy now?
Because everything they thought we were just went up in flames.
You should be fucking happy now.
Because I'll never be the same.