I'm Lost Without Your Love (Trixya)

Chapter 3- I'm Scared/He's Relapsed Again

Trigger Warning- Overdose

(Trixie's POV)

I still can't get my head around what I saw through my own eyes; that wasn't Katya who I was sat with today, filming a new 'Unhhhh' video, it just wasn't her.

It wasn't him either; there was this look within his eyes, he was screaming for help but verbally, nothing could come out. 

Usually when I get home, we text, Skype, just stay in contact with each other after filming but lately it hasn't been that way. 

He just wasn't normal anymore and I know he is screaming for help, I know it but nothing will come out of him. 

Every time I ask him if he's okay, he just says he's fine, I'm tired, didn't get any sleep. 

Honestly Katya, how long are you going to keep saying that excuse for; I know something is going to with him and today...I'm fearing the worse. 

I was nervously sat on the couch; my hands and legs were shaking and I had my phone in the palm of my hands and I was staring at it. 

I've called him like 100 times since I got home and he hasn't picked up once, it just keeps going straight to voicemail and it was breaking me down mentally and psychically. 

What if something really is happening and I'm not there to help him or save him; I was literally just thinking the worse because by now, I would have gotten some response from him. 

But today, nothing is there and now my heart was psychically in my gob. 

I'm sorry Katya but you're screaming for help and I'm coming to find you; this is the only way I'm going to find out the truth as to why he has been so distance and depressed lately. 

I got up from the couch and ran to my car with my keys and started the car up; I have to see if he's okay because if I lose Katya, I lose Brian too and I don't want him to leave yet. 

I started my car up and I backed out of my driveway and started driving down to katya's house. 

Every minute, every second, my heart would bring more and more pain the closer I was getting to Katya's house. 

My heart was telling me I was going to find something horrific in Katya's home and I ain't going to like it or even take it very well. 

Its like my heart just wasn't even in its place; its just seems like its coursing through my stomach like a ballon in the sky, something has happened and I'm about to find out if my bestfriend was okay or not. 

I finally got to Katya's house and I jumped out of my car faster than the speed of light to his front door. 

I turned the knob of his door and it was open...never a good sign in Katya's case as he always locks his door as soon as he enters his home. 

I slammed the door once I walked in and started searching violently around his home, trying to find any signs of him and anything else that might have occurred within the home. 

"Katya, Kats; where are you baby" I said nervously as I was pacing around the living room; he isn't downstairs so he must be asleep upstairs. 

Maybe he is asleep and all this fuss and getting worried was just my anxiety being a bitch to me but...that feeling in my heart was saying something completely different. 

I walked upstairs to Katya's room, half expecting him to be on the bed asleep but my heart was still telling me that I was going to find something so horrifying and disturbed. 

I slowly opened Katya's bedroom door and my heart coursed its way to my throat; he wasn't in the bed asleep but rather, he was on the floor, overdosed with...a needle, oh no. 

"Katya baby, wake up" I ran over to him and cradled him within my arms "Katya come on, wake up; I don't want to lose you" I said but I had worry and upset within my voice as I kept repeating myself.

"Katya, Brian wake up baby, please" my heart was torn and screaming for him to wake up but nothing would work. 

Even though I wasn't thinking clearly; I knew the best way of reviving him and keeping him alive is to take him to the hospital. 

I picked up Katya bridal style downstairs and walked out to my car and placed him in the passenger seat. 

As much I didn't want to be angry with him...I have to be; he said he wouldn't do it again and yet I saw that used needle on the floor next to him. 

I'm aware of Katya's past drug addictions and when I met him years ago, he said he was completely sober and I knew he was so...why have you relapsed Katya...why baby. 

I had so many questions coursing through my head, how long as he been relapsing; why has he relapsed, was it something that I don't know and he's been trying to tell me. 

That last question wouldn't stop repeating itself within my head, what if I wasn't paying enough attention to Katya and I've just let him drown with his demons. 

This is too much for me to answer any questions but my main concern right now is to get Katya urgent medical treatment to save him because I am not losing him now, never. 

I finally got to the hospital and I picked Katya up bridal style and walked into the hospital where several nurses and doctors suddenly took him out of my arms and walked into a corridor away from me. 

I didn't even realise I was crying at this point but my heart was crying and screaming for him to stay alive, I want to help you Brian, please be okay. 

I couldn't process anything; I knew something like this was going to happen sooner or later but I'm still angry that he's lied to me and I know this isn't the best time to be angry at him but he lied. 

He said he wouldn't relapse with heroine again but he has and now he's overdosed and I might lose my bestfriend tonight, my life and soul, my lover; he is the love of my life and I do love him.

I couldn't take it anymore and I ended up ringing Kurtis (Miss Fame) for support because he knows exactly what this is all about because of his past drug addictions. 

I was currently sat in the waiting room and my heart was screaming for Brian; I just want to cradle him within my arms and not let him go despite the anger I have towards him. 

"Brian" I heard Kurtis as he walked into the waiting room, scanning for me. "Kurtis" I sobbed and ran up to him in a tight hug; Kurtis wrapped his arms around me and described comforting patterns upon my back. 

"What happened baby, calm down; take a deep breath and tell me slow" Kurtis said as he led me back to where I was originally sat.

"Kurtis, I can't believe what I saw..." I sobbed and buried my face within his chest "shhh, its alright baby but I need to know what happened" Kurtis said stroking my hair. 

I pulled away slightly and wiped my tears away with my sleeve and calmed down a bit. 

"What happened and tell me calm and slow" Kurtis smiled a little I sighed "he...he relapsed but I think he relapsed weeks, maybe months ago" I sighed and tightened my grip upon his waist.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Bri" Kurtis sighed and pulled me even closer to him "has he relapsed on heroine again" he asked I nodded and felt tears descend upon my cheeks. 

"Listen Brian..." Kurtis pulled away and made me look at him "he will pull through, I know he will; its okay baby" Kurtis pulled me back into his arms and let me rest my head upon his chest. 

"I love you Fame" I sobbed "I love you too Trixie" he kissed my head and I eventually fell asleep. 

I didn't know how long we would be staying at this hospital but I just wanted my Katya and my Brian to be okay.   

A/N Will Katya be okay; will Trixie still be angry at him if he wakes up.