I'm Lost Without Your Love (Trixya)

Chapter 11- Forgiven

(Trixie's POV)

I was still here; crying into Brian's pillow and wishing I had never set foot near that goddamn bag. 

My heart is broken and its just been crushed into a 1000 little pieces that even I don't think I can piece back together. 

Its only been a few hours yet its felt like weeks since I got into that massive argument with the only man I have ever gave my heart to. 

I was in broken pieces and I honestly just want to be snuggled into his arms and not let him go but I think I've just fucked my whole relationship with him. 

But every word I said to him I meant; I just want to keep him safe and I am frightened that he will try to kill himself when I'm not at home. 

I'm stricken by the thought of seeing him overdosed upon the floor again and the next time, he seriously might not wake up. 

I inhaled Brian's scent from his pillow and felt tears threatening to fall at the thought that I might never be forgiven by Brian. 

Of course I don't deserve forgiveness but at the same time; I'm just trying to be a good and protective boyfriend by keeping him away from his cruel substances. 

I wiped my tears when I suddenly heard a light knock upon the bedroom door; I left it because I'm just too heartbroken. 

"Brian baby, its me" I heard Brian behind the door; I couldn't face him without tearing up again so instead I kept my head upon his pillow. 

"Brian love" I heard the door open and I felt Brian sit upon the bed; I heard him sigh and I soon felt his hand upon my shoulder. 

"Brian, please can we talk; I didn't mean to snap at you like that, please" Brian sighed rubbing my shoulder softly I turned around so I was on my right arm and looked at him. 

His eyes were puffy and very sore and red, he has obviously been crying a lot since the argument which I still feel so horrible for. 

"Can we talk sweetheart" Brian asked caressing my hair softly I sighed "of course we can talk" I said and sat up a little. 

"I'm so sorry I snapped at you like that; I'm obviously going through withdrawals as I've not had anything in my system for a couple of days" he sighed.

"No, I'm sorry baby; I should have been more comforting and gentle towards you" I sighed "but please believe me when I say I'm so frightened that you might kill yourself whilst I'm not here" I said.

"Baby, I would never ever kill myself behind your back; I would never go that low" Brian sighed. 

"But I totally understand why you hid the box from me" he said "to keep you safe baby, I could never live a minute without you" I said. 

"I'm so frightened and worried that you might try again and what if you don't wake up the next time" I sighed "I can't live on knowing you're out of this world and I'll never get to see you again" I sighed and wiped the tears that I didn't even know were there. 

"Please promise me something" I said grabbing his hands and squeezing them tightly "promise that you will talk to me whenever you feel like wanting to kill yourself, I'll always be here for Brian and you know that" I said and kissed his hands. 

"I promise baby; I'm sorry for my actions and the way I reacted, let me make it up to you" Brian smiled "no, you don't have to do that; I'm the one that should be sorry anyway" I said.

"No, please let me take you to dinner to say sorry" he insisted "now Brian, you know I'm not sophisticated like Violet" I said.

"But I was mean to you and I want to say sorry, let me take you" Brian was still insisting and this time he was giving me puppy dog eyes. 

"How about instead of being sophisticated like Violet, how about you get a copy of Contact and come to bed with me" I smiled his eyes instantly lit up at the mention of Contact.

"I'll go and get a copy" he smiled and jumped off the bed, going downstairs to find a copy; like that would be hard considering he has 4 copies. 

I kicked off my shoes and stripped down to my boxers and t-shirt and crawled into bed, beneath the covers. 

Brian soon came back upstairs and he inserted Contact in; he stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt and crawled into bed with me. 

"Brian" he asked as I wrapped my arms around him "yeah baby" I asked as he rested his head upon my chest.

"I love you and I'm sorry for the way I reacted, I know you're only trying to keep me safe" Brian kissed my chest "its okay baby; just get some rest now" I smiled and kissed his head. 

"I love you asshole" I said "I love you too cunt" he smiled and pressed play on the movie and we settled down in bed. 

I knew I wasn't going to stay awake for that long but I was more than happy to know that I was awarded forgiveness and Brian didn't hate me. 

I fell asleep with peace and harmony within the atmosphere and my arms.

A/N I'm so sorry I didn't upload this a few days ago; it was my birthday and I didn't have time to write anything anyway enjoy this chapter.