Aries- I found a liquor store and I drank it.
Taurus- Please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity.
Gemini- Why is six afraid of seven? I assume because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.
Cancer- This isn't funny Dean, the voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
Leo- It actually means you breed with the mouth of a goat. It's funnier in Enochian.
Virgo- I don't understand that reference.
Libra- If the pizza man truly loves the babysitter, then why does he keep slapping her in the rear?
Scorpio- This is my voicemail. Make your voice... a mail.
Sagittarius- My people skills are rusty.
Capricorn- No, he's not on any flatbread.
Aquarius- Hey, Assbutt!
Pisces- I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.
