Things Worth Dying For (A Sirius Black x Reader Love Story)

The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

Y/N wanted to collapse the moment she entered the warmth of the castle, her muscles screaming at her to stop. She ran blindly, vaguely realizing that Sirius and James had disappeared from beside her. She could still hear them, panting and cursing, but either she was losing her mind or they were invisible. She didn't care. Y/N didn't stop to Disillusion herself again, nor to search for the pair; she didn't stop despite her lungs aching in protest, not until she had made it safely inside Gryffindor Tower, through the irritated portrait of the Fat Lady.

The common room was empty, save for the fire still crackling in the fireplace, casting an ominous glow on the otherwise dark room. The only sound was the popping of burning wood, and the trio's ragged breath. Y/N didn't bother running to the comfort of the couches, much less her own dorm. She dropped to the floor right in front of the portrait hole, burying her head in her hands, her legs sprawled out in front of her. She felt a pair of legs scramble in behind her, and counted to ten, timing each breath with the numbers in her head. 

 She stifled a gasp when James and Sirius materialized out of no where, a strange looking cloak in the former's hand.

 "How-are-you doing that?", Y/N asked, still struggling to calm her trembling heart. 

"How are we doing it?", James asked, incredulous. His voice came out breathy, but Y/N didn't miss the indignation in it, even as James curled up onto the floor, an equally drained Sirius next to him.

"H-how did you do all th-that back there? What kind of dark magic has your father been teaching you?"

Y/N snapped her head up, feeling the back of her neck crack at the movement. She felt her blood boil, and her hands instantly curled into fists.  Her very veins burned, pumping the rage she felt all the way to the tips of her toes. Suddenly, she didn't feel so tired anymore, as she jumped to her feet. 

"Dark magic? DARK MAGIC?!", she screeched, voice rising higher and higher with her anger. She saw him flinch at her sudden movement, and a strange satisfaction crept into her heart.

"Maybe if you weren't so thick, you'd be able to see that all my spells were defensive. I wasn't trying to hurt him! If you lot just minded your business, none of us would have even ended up there!" Y/N knew if her voice got any louder, the entire house would be awake, but she didn't care. How dare he, after everything she had done to save his life, how bloody dare he. 

"Nobody asked you to come along. We would have been fine", retorted James, who was also now on his feet, eyes blazing. His hair was wild, poking out in odd places, and his hands still trembled from the whole ordeal.

"Right. I suppose you could have just negotiated your way out of the werewolf's claws", Y/N scoffed, sarcasm heavy in her voice. She turned to look at Sirius, who seemed to be ignoring the pair fighting, instead huddled in front of the fireplace, knees drawn up to his chest, staring unmoving, at the dancing flames.  

As quickly as it left, the exhaustion returned to her body. Her limbs felt like lead, and her neck suddenly felt too weak to hold her head up. Her eyes burned from fatigue and she tasted the metallic sting of blood on her chapped lips. She thought she could fall over, right then and there. 

"Whatever James", she sighed, before he would utter another syllable. "I only wanted to help. I thought almost being mauled by a werewolf might change our-how you felt about me. My bad. Goodnight boys", Y/N finished, voice turning soft and strained. Slowly, she turned away from James and dragged her legs up to her dorms, collapsing on her bed, succumbing into the numb feeling in her gut. 

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Sirius barely registered that his best friend, and Y/N were arguing. He felt the exhaustion in his bones, certain they'd shatter any second. He crawled to the fireplace, curling up into a ball. They were nearly yelling now  behind him but the chanting in his head drowned everything out.  She pushed him out of the way. She pushed him out of the way. She pushed him out of the way.

He felt the vibrations of Y/N trudging up the stairs, and heard James curse in frustration before moving to sit next to him, crossing his legs. 

"She pushed me out of the way", Sirius whispered, his voice trembling and barely audible. 

James turned his head, eye brows furrowing in confusion. 

"What was that?"

Sirius turned as well, locking eyes with James. This time, his voice came out steady and clear.

"She pushed me out of the way. Rem-the werewolf I mean-was about to attack. She pushed me out of the way. She didn't know the tree would-she could have died for me, James."

An uncomfortable silence settled in the common room. Neither of the boys looked away, the weight of Sirius's words holding them in place. With what felt like every last ounce of energy in his being, Sirius turned his whole body to face James. 

"Not everyone's the same as their family", Sirius reiterated firmly, finally turning his eyes away from James. 

"The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black", Sirius spat out the words. "They're just like her father-my folks"

"Yeah but-", James tried to cut in, interrupted by Sirius waving his hand in dismissal.

"But I'm not the same, I know. You've said. Yet, when I was 6, I told on Reggie for talking to the muggle girl next door. I thought I'd make my mother proud for once, even though I was the one who wanted to talk to the girl in the first place. Regulus didn't talk to me for weeks. When I was 10, I declined Andy's-my cousin Andromeda, I mean-I didn't go to her graduation, afraid of what my parents might do. She graduated alone, with no family, all 'cuz she dared fall in love with a muggle-born."

James looked at Sirius, sympathy gleaming in his eyes. He knew Sirius like the back of his hand. He knew that Sirius had made a habit of crawling out of his bed in the middle of the night, when he couldn't sleep. That's when he got the most school work done. James knew every nervous tick Sirius had, how his nails had been chewed down to their bases, and how his hair stayed messy to spite his parents. He noticed the way Sirius flinched every time an adult moved too abruptly near him. And if there was one thing James could say about his best mate, without a sliver of doubt, it was the Sirius Orion Black was a good, caring person. Nothing he had just revealed would change that. 

"You were only a boy, Sirius", he muttered, reaching out to reassure him. They sat there in silence for a moment, until the realization of what he said dawned on James. 

"Exactly", whispered Sirius, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "You don't understand what it's like James, living with people like that. I don't even know if it's love, or fear that makes me act the way I do. I suppose a bit of both. I mean, sometimes I'm torn between wanting to impress them, and looking at muggles and muggle-borns and half-bloods and not caring about where or how magic made its way into their blood. It's a constant battle. Even when I sat on the stool-you know, during Sorting- the hat asked me, asked if I wanted to join the Blacks in Slytherin, and for a second, I truly considered it, mate. It would have been easier."

At this point, Sirius had torn his gaze away, suddenly immensely interested in the scuff marks on his shiny black dress shoes. He gulped down the apprehension in his throat, half scared that he had said too much, that James might be disgusted with him. The fear multiplied when James silently stood up, brushing off the bottom of his robes. Sirius looked up wearily, ready to face the worst, but was surprised to discover James smiling softly down at him, hand outstretched to Sirius. 

" You are not a bad person, Sirius. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. I suppose-I don't know yet how that makes me feel about Y/N, there's a lot I can't forget-particularly the impact on my parents. But, for you, I'll consider it, okay? Only if you come to bed now though, it's late" 

Sirius felt the warmth in his chest, welcoming the comfort of James hand around his shoulder as they made their way up to their dorms. He didn't know if James would find it in him to forgive Y/N, but he knew he'd do everything he could to help.