OK, I'm going to say this straight out. It is SO much easier to critique other peoples' first lines than to write my own!!
Most first lines start with the main character, but my problem was that Lizabella is not yet born so unless I was going to have a little fetus as my hook, which would certainly be interesting, I had to start elsewhere.
Here are my various attempts at writing the opening line of Lizabella: a fairytale:
Once upon a time in a far off kingdom lived the most powerful king in all the world.
This was my original opening line when I first began Lizabella. It's not a bad line, but it is generic. It tells us nothing. Most kings are powerful, maybe not the most powerful in all the world but it doesn't exactly scream EPIC!
So I thought and I thought and I thought some more. And I came up with this:
Once upon a time, as you might expect, lived a king and a queen, and a wicked villain with a wicked plan.
This takes a clichéd opening and puts a new spin on it. But then again, is it such a new spin? After all, there is always a wicked villain with a wicked plan?
I still like this one, it sums up the story, it's cute, but I thought I could get better.
Once upon a time, in the land of Aguellar, a child was about to be born.
Grand and sweepingly intriguing? Or meh, kind of bland?
Once upon a time, in the land of Aguallar, a king and queen eagerly waited for their first child to be born, and a trusted maidservant just as eagerly waited to kill it.
This hook uses the trope fairytale opening then gives it an unexpected, humorous twist . . . I think? What do you think? In the end though I thought of several dozen more!
The entire kingdom of Aguellar was eagerly anticipating the royal birth, particularly the queen's most trusted maidservant who had every intention of killing the child the moment it was born.
This is basically the same as the other one just written a little differently!
The king was expecting. A boy to be precise.
I thought this was funny. But would anyone else get it? And did it tie into my overall theme? I wasn't really sure. So I made up more!
The king was as rich as he was poor. Mint Street Finances had declared the Kingdom of Aguellar the richest in all the world, but he knew better.
I would have had to change the entire theme of my book to make this one work, and well I didn't think that was such a good idea.
The king barely spared a glance at the woman's spider-veined hands pressing into the queen's swollen belly; she was merely a formality. There was no question the child would be a boy.
I thought this one could work, it takes us straight into the story, but does it raise enough questions? I was so close to using this one but it just didn't feel like the one. Why was I making the king my hook? Is he the most important character to hook my reader in? In the end I realized who was: the wicked Evilla. Without her, there would be no story. No plan. No plot. Just a princess without a problem.
Once I realized who my hook needed to center on I came up with these:
Queen Adelia's most trusted maid servant gently massaged the queen's aching back while contemplating the swiftest way to put her plan into action. But speed would not do in this case. She must bide her time until the child was born.
A tad longwinded perhaps!
She had a plan. Like most plans, this one involved the death of at least two people.
This one raises a lot of questions. Who is she? What is her plan? And who is she trying to kill? It also has a humorous slant, not everyone's plans involve murder. But it's also a spoiler. And I didn't think that was such a great plan (excuse the pun :D)
Evilla told the whole truth and nothing but the truth; except when she was lying, which was most of the time.
This is the one I settled on in the end. I took out "the whole truth and nothing but the truth" – too much, right? And there we are. I did it!
As you can see, I got a little carried away! And these were just the ones I wrote down!
This is generally what happens once I start writing. Every little short story I write turns into a book which turns into a series which turns into a musical (Yes, Lizabella is also a musical!), I just can't help it!!
What do you think of my process and my final choice? Did I choose the right one? All opinions are welcome, just don't be too harsh pretty please :D.
YOU ARE READING
Hook Your Reader
Non-Fiction[ON HOLD] Nobody will ever know how incredible your book is if they don't read it. And for that you need a hook. A unique opening line that touches the core of the story, that temptingly hints to what they'll find inside, that compels your reader...
