Seven Letters And Seven Nights

july 19 2017- love

I think I should start by writing an apology for the first letter I know I went overboard and honestly I don't regret writing it but I wouldn't want you to be hurt by it. It has to be this way. Its has to be the truth.

Sometimes truth hurts a lot just like love does. When you think about life and living a life. The first thing that comes to many people's mind is how they love certain people in their lives and how they want them to be happy no matter what. I used to be one of those people and honestly its hurts so much to think that I have to let go of so many people whom I considered as a part me of me. That is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced in my life- love and letting it go. 

The real love.

Its really fun in the beginning. All the hormones and emotions running all over the place. You getting flustered at everything they say and things they do make your heart beat like crazy.
Oh I know exactly how that feels. I have been their too. I know the blushing and I now also know the crushing.

Then time moves and you start to change for them. You want them to change for you. Things start to get boring  and even out of control sometimes.

I have been their and honestly what was I thinking? I'd really like to ask that question to my younger self.
Then comes the most difficult part- the heartbreak and having to let go of that love you kept so dear to your heart.

Its crushing isn't it? Its hard isn't it?
What do you do when the reason you thought you were here for is snatched away?

I want to say you learn to live again. Learn to mend your heart with all the tools you manage to find or can grab at.

But things once broken don't heal back again. You can use all the tape and glue and force in the world you will still see the cracks.

Cracks and scars that never heal, they just stay their to remind you of the times you can never have back now.

How many times you have waited for someone to come and heal them for you? How many times have you wanted some other person to be the one to care for you? How many times have you wanted someone to warm your cold, dead heart?

Because I am not going to lie, I have fantasized about someone doing that for me a plenty of times and that is what in reality it is- a fantasy.

" your heart fits like a key into the lock on the wall. I turn it over, I turn it over. But I can't escape - fleurie"

That's it for this letter.

I wait for the end.