Seven Letters And Seven Nights

July 23 2017- pain

Hey there. Now that you have finally made it to the sixth letter. welcome! I have stopped sounding vicious. haven't I? Now moving over.

All the time in my life I have always heard people saying how I should learn from the mistakes others make. I get it. I get it how I can learn from a drug addict to not to take drugs, and I can learn from a criminal that committing crimes is not the way of life. of course I can learn from others mistakes a lot. 

I just feel like if I am not making mistakes, I am already dead. 

Pain.

And the thing that makes me feel alive is pain which comes as a return gift for making mistakes. how do I say this without sounding crazy? pain makes me feel beautiful and here I am not talking about harming myself just to feel pain. god no. I do not self-harm and I do not encourage anyone to go on that path.

But there is something about pain that people generally misunderstand. You need to feel pain to feel happiness or any other 'positive' emotion. As much as happiness is important, being able to feel pain is important too. 

I was thirteen when I got my first heartbreak. Now people are going to judge me hard thinking I was too young to know what love is, but the reality is my younger self knew exactly what love was, now I am old and as much as I should be clear about what love is supposed to be, I am unclear. 

That is pain. 

Pain of not knowing what your heart wants.

Pain of feeling like are you even capable of being loved? 

Pain of feeling like who are you right now?

Pain of being incomplete just like this letter

This letter.