Seven Letters And Seven Nights

july 20 2017- change

Oh so you still want to read what I have to say. That is flattering you know after all the dread I put into my last two letters and that I am going to do the exactly same with this one is well exactly what I said- flattering.

Since I am writing about change today let's change the way I am going to write this. I'll try to keep it as peaceful as it possibly can be to spare the sanity of your mind.

Change can be quite something. Change is the slap of karma and life in your face saying- "bitch here take this as a parting gift".

Change can cause ruffles in times, in hearts and in a person. Change is difficult. Change is resistance.

You know the times are changing, everything and everyone is becoming more liberal and forthcoming. But one thing that is never going to change is the resistance it brings with itself.

This was all confusing wasn't it? Let's see if I can explain what I want yo say- I changed schools last year and I couldn't settle in. Why the heck not? When same education is given at both the places. Why couldn't I stop being the misfit? Of course being the misfit is my specialty but I still wanted to be the part of the people and experience things. Its because many a times change causes things to fall apart and I am not saying it doesn't bring anything good with it.

I am just saying sometimes it becomes difficult to see the good it brings with itself.

I have changed a lot in the past two years. I have become a lot more than I initially was. I have become strong but I have also become empty. I have become good at controlling my emotions because I have become emotionless and that scares me.

Yep I said that. The big S word. I am scared of how emotionless I have become. The only thing that keeps me happy is well BTS- you know the very famous k-pop group and of course the famdom related to it - A.R.M.Y.

Getting a bit personal here. Aren't we? But this is supposed to be my letter so-

I hope everyday for a change. I hope to change the hurt I endured and am enduring. I hope to change and replace the empty feeling where my heart should be. I hope to change my life but sometimes giving up seems a lot easier than living.

A lot more easier if everything ends.