The only exception // Levi Jones

1

- Abigail  -

The tears fall down my cheeks silently as I stand beside my mother and father watching over the coffin lower into the ground in front of us.

My brother Calum, died last week. They say it was because of suicide, that he had overdosed on sleeping pills. I haven't left my room since then, my parents say I'm depressed, I wouldn't be surprised. I was close to my brother, unlike my parents. I don't get on with them very well, neither did Calum. I didn't feel safe when I was at home. They fight a lot, and they don't pay much attention to me.

Calum's favorite song starts playing softly though the speakers as the coffin is covered up with the dirt dug out from a hole.

I miss you by Blink 182.

I miss him so much. Hearing this song ... Just makes the tears fall faster.

He was always there to comfort me, When I was sad, he was there, my parents weren't.

I look over to see my mum, with one single tear resting on her right cheek. My dad, none. His face remains harsh and unemotional. How someone can be so careless about their own child? He was only 19, too young for his life to be taken.

What I don't understand is that, he seemed fine. He didn't show any signs of being depressed or suicidal. But I guess people learn to hide their emotions and feelings from the outside world. I feel horrible knowing that he felt like that and didn't think he could tell me or ask me for help.

 But I guess when you're in that frame of mind, you really want to think about what will happen to the ones you love when you leave them. I just can't believe he's gone, my reason for smiling, for laughing, for living - is gone.

 Sure I have friends, but you know how it is. Some things you just prefer to keep to yourself, which I didn't understand until Calum died. I have barely spoken to anyone since, I've barely eaten, I've barely left my room let alone my house.

I've been wearing Calum's clothes to remind me of his smell, his favorite hoodie and a comfy pair of his grey, worn out sweat pants.

For a while I forgot I was at the funeral, but my mum snapping her fingers in front of my eyes was enough to bring my thoughts back to the moment rather than the past.

" Abigail, come on, we have somewhere to be." She says not wasting time as she grabs my wrist and drags me along behind her and my dad.

What can possibly be more important than my brother's funeral? I want to scream at them and tell them that he was their son and that I don't understand how they can be so heartless. Of cause I don't they never listen anyway.

I don't bother asking them where we are going because I don't really care. As soon as we get home, I'm just going to lock myself in my room again and sleep. Maybe I won't wake up, I could be with Calum. Right now, there's no place I'd rather be than with him.

I don't think he really understood how important he was to me, he was vital for my survival, without him, part of me was missing.

We get into my dad's black jaguar and he immediately turns the engine on and accelerates, not giving me any time to put my seat belt on or get comfy.

It takes less than a minute for him and my mom to start arguing so ?I don't hesitate before plugging my earphones in and drowning out the angry voices that once soothed me to sleep.

I press shuffle on my playlist before sitting back and closing my eyes, letting myself escape reality and get lost into the music. Calum's escape was music, he loved writing songs and playing his guitar, he taught me. I guess it  became a habit for me, because ever since I picked it up I haven't stopped. I fell in love with music just like he did, in love with the sound of the strings as you run your hand up and down the fret board. In love with the sweet melody being sung along to the chords being strummed in a mesmerising pattern. In love with the instrument, it became my escape.

" Abigail, get out of the car, we're here." My mother snaps at me as she roughly pulls my earphones away from my ears and unbuckled my seat belt for me, not giving me any time before she pulls me out of the car and shuts the door behind me.

We walk silently to our house, and take off our shoes at the door, a rule my mom came up with.

" We're  having some guests over for dinner, please change your clothes." She says to me harshly, not even looking me in the eye.

" I'm not really hungry" I reply shortly before storming up the stairs and locking myself in my room, like every other night this week.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, slowly placing it on my Bluetooth speaker and press play.

The sweet sound  'Good times'  by All Time Low comes on instantly tunes me out from the rest of the world.

  On a fault line, late night

Underneath the stars we came alive

And singing to the sky just felt right

I won't forget the good times

While the punks started picking fights

With the skater kids under city lights

Remember how we laughed 'til we cried

I  won't forget the good times  

I start singing along softly as I sit myself down at my desk and pull out a notepad and a pen.

Calum taught me how to write songs and how to structure them. He was amazing at it, he had so much talent yet he did'nt believe in himself. ?He was always a shy boy, never one to tell people that he was amazing at something. Yet he was. I envy his talent, he could have gone far with it, but I know that isn't what he would have wanted.

He wanted a quiet life, he never caused any trouble, he never hurt anyone but himself.That's what makes it so tragic, his worst enemy was himself and in the end - that's what destroyed him.

Thinking of Calum gives me inspiration to write, it used to be about happy things, until his death. Which made me realise that life really isn't just a walk in the park, everyone has problems. Calum obviously just didn't feel like he could tell anyone, so with all that  in mind, I put my pen to paper and I started writing.

All the voices in my head,

make me wish that I was dead.

Don't let me drown in my own thoughts,

Don't leave me broken and distraught.

so help me, help me.

// //