＃ＲａｙＨａｃｋｓ

vii

It has been a while and a half since I did this. You long deserve something new and sweet to look at. So here you go.

I did not want to ask for your password, because I wanted to surprise you. u.u But I think I tricked you and it will be a surprise anyway. I am just that good. (;

I changed your background. Did you see? The aesthetic of that reminded me of you, so I was like, 'Hey. Let's do this.'

There was another one, it was similar but cuter. But I went and looked at it on desktop and it looks strange and kind of pixelated.

. . My laptop telling me that 'pixelated' is not a word. The fuck?

Anyway. Yes. New background.

New choices.

New chances.

New year.

(Not really since it is like, almost seven months into 2017, but, you know. While and a half since I updated this, so it just seems like it.)

Same old you.

And for that, I could not be more glad. It is nice to have someone consistent in your life when everything around you is going to shit. And I am not talking about the current political crisis happening in our country, right now. I am talking about the other.. stuff. With V. You know what I am talking about. Between that, and the stranger work days, harder work, and changing times in general, having someone who is consistently just as cute as they were some three odd years ago, is rather reassuring.

Even typing 'odd' reminds me of Code Lyoko. Wow. I have a problem. Christ.

I swear I had planned to make this entire thing just cute and cheesy.. but that did not seem to work out. My mind is too wild for that. Sorry. I may just make another one when I am in the mood of mine. You know, the mood when I just want to love on you, and actually begin to tear up because I am so proud of how far you have come? Yes, that mood.

But for now, I hope this suffices.

Sigh. There are honestly not enough, not good enough, not real enough words to explain how much I love you. It is such an abstract concept, love, and people try to put it in words, because they want to tell others how strongly they feel for them, but.. it is hard. It is even more difficult when you are someone who struggles with emotions and words on a daily basis. But even other than that, it is hard. Like shit.

(420 words. Heh.)

But how do I explain how much I love you? How glad I am that you are still in my life, even though sometimes still I get very frustrated because you are so goddamn nice, and you cannot be rude or mean to me, even if your life depended on it. In those moments when I am feeling that, it is the most frustrating thing in the world. Like, tears frustrating.

But then I remember, no one is perfect. Me wishing you were not so nice is me wishing you were different. And I do not appreciate that.

Not to mention, if you were not so nice, you would not be how you are. You would be like other girls.. and that means our relationship would be different.

(I am aiming for at least a thousand words. Let me see if I can do that.)

And if our relationship was different, I would not even have been sitting here, doing this. I would not be in the situation where I can come to you and ask you to help me in the way you can help that other people, who are not so nice to me but are still dear friends of mine, cannot do so. You see?

The universe is a messy thing. One act could change your life. One decision. One character trait. One different gene. It is messy. Diluted. Disorganised.

But I got the happy chance of meeting you. The coincidence. All the moments that had to lead up to the point where we met. So many things could have been different, and yet, they are not.

It makes me wonder what is a fluke, what is fate, and what is mere coincidence.

Sigh. Questions that I will never receive answers to. I should stop asking.

I was going somewhere with this, I swear. I got side-tracked. I literally had to scroll up to see where I became so side-tracked.

Hold on, I have to charge my device.

. . .

Alright, I am back. It only took thirteen seconds.

Anyway. Yes. I got side-tracked after the part about you being so nice. Annoyingly nice.

The thing is, more often, especially nowadays, I am really glad you are so nice.

Does it frustrate me, still? Hell yeah it does. It is not something I am used to, not something I would recommend, anyone being that nice.

But, Jara, it suits you. And I appreciate it, more than you realise.

. . . Sorry, I had to leave for like, fifteen seconds again. Baby wanted to be picked up and bounced. Kids. Smh.

Actually, on that note. My kids seem to really like you. The little ones think you are a pretty princess, and the older ones think you are just precious. (Also, they hear me talk about you and how precious and adorable you are like 24/7 buT ANYWAY-)

The little ones also think you have fluffy hair. v.v See, it is not just me.

Ugh. Dear god, I need help not being side-tracked. Like, I know you will enjoy reading this smattering of words on a page, but I am honestly trying to prove a point here.

It is frustrating.

I think I have used frustrating more times on this page than any other significant word.

Well. No. I cannot say that. 'I' and 'the' and 'on' and such are also significant words.

Every word is significant. #StopShamingWords2k17 #BeNiceToWords2k17 #CapitaliseAllWords2k17

. . . I swear, I was just about to go on a mini-rant about how it is unfair that we only capitalise the first word of every sentence, and then self-proclaimed 'important words'. Jesus Christ. Okay. I need to get my mind back on track.

(Hey look, I passed a thousand words. Yay. <3)

Okay. Okay. Back on track.

Actually.

Writing this entire thing out really helped my mood. Thank you. This was so much needed.

. . No, I will write you a proper and long, completely cheesy part another time. Sorry. v.v </3

But hey.. I still love you.

Even after some odd (heh) three years.

Even after a million and one inside jokes.

Even after three hundred and thirty-four hours a year spent in violent sobs.

Even after seven hundred angry moments and words spoken/experienced.

Even after a thousand and one people letting go or leaving.

Even after two times in the army.

Even after forty-two comas.

Even after three cancelled dates, four broken hearts, seventeen kids.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

❤

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