Abandonment is one word to describe Evelyn Ward's childhood.
Known as an orphan freak and paranoid schizophrenic, she was dragged through years of therapy after admitting to hearing whispering voices and seeing creatures and living shadows.
...
Saturday came, dragging on slowly, bringing with it the ever-present, lurking shadows. The overwhelming darkness swelled through my apartment, stifling me. Chills wracked my body while nausea rolled my stomach. Thinking straight became an impossibility with the constant whispers hissed in my ears.
Curled up on my ripped foam mattress, huddled beneath mountains of blankets, I found myself wishing for the one person who could make it better. His raven hair and emerald eyes made up my only thoughts, and wanting him beside me consumed my mind. He could make them go away. Him, and only him -- no one else held that power.
So when Jorden called me time and time again, pleading with me to talk to him, my phone was left unanswered. What words were there to reassure him besides lies? Was I to tell him that as I lay there broken, my thoughts wandered to another man? One whom I didn't even know? That would hurt him worse than my silence, and so I left his messages ignored.
Chelsea got little more from me when she texted on Sunday.
'Hey girl, wanna hang?'
'Can't.' My fingers crawled across the keys, taking ages to send my one-word reply.
'Oooh, are you with Jorden? ;)'
'No.'
Her response was a long time coming. 'Ooookaaaayyyy then. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work then.'
It hadn't been my intention to upset her, but just the effort put into sending two words had exhausted me. The shadows seemed to be leaching the strength from my body, leaving me drained and sick.
I barely left my bed the entire weekend and gave up eating after the first time when I vomited up the bowl of cornflakes I had managed to choke down.
My phone lay abandoned, finally silent as Jorden gave up trying to contact me. Tears leaked from my eyes as I fought to care, but the wraiths' cold terror numbed me, leaving me hollow inside.
None of this was fair to him. If only I could've brought myself to tell him about the shadows, the voices, the horrors I had experienced. If only trusting would have come naturally to me. My ability to open myself up to people had been ripped away as I grew up abandoned by those I had sought to trust.
Maybe if he knew about the shadows that haunted me, he would know to hold me tight and shelter me when I froze in terror at times like these. All he knew was that I pushed him away, and so he stayed away.
His absence left me searching for the only light I could find in this bleak darkness, and so my mind latched onto bright green eyes that weren't Jorden's and left no room for anything else.
Just the very thought of those eyes and the man the belonged to lessened the fierce grip the shadows held on me.
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What do you think of the way Evelyn is acting? Is she being ridiculous by pushing them away or is it understandable? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Let me know in the comments.
Thanks for reading, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas (and Happy Holidays for those of you who don't celebrate Christmas).
