Abandonment is one word to describe Evelyn Ward's childhood.
Known as an orphan freak and paranoid schizophrenic, she was dragged through years of therapy after admitting to hearing whispering voices and seeing creatures and living shadows.
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Disclaimer: This chapter contains a scene of sexuality.
Viewer discretion is advised.
After Chelsea left in the morning to go to work, and I -- being the responsible adult I am -- decided to skip my shift without even bothering to call in, I spent the entire day staring at my cell phone trying to convince myself to call Jorden.
It took until evening for me to work up the nerve. My hands wouldn't stop shaking while the dial tone rang in my ear, continuing for a solid minute, convincing me he wouldn't pick up. And yet he did.
Just as I was about to give up, his deep voice spoke tentatively through the speaker. "Evelyn?"
"Jorden." My voice was a shaking whisper, strangled by anxiety and an unbearable wave of guilt. Calling him was a selfish choice made only because I couldn't bare having chased him away, but it was a choice that would only hurt him more no matter how I looked at it. Once again the only words I had to offer were lies. A lifetime of pain had left me capable of only spitting my misery back at others, of causing destruction and leaving a trail of pain in my wake. Hidden within the depths of my self-loathing was a quest to find acceptance, a quest at which I would stop at nothing to achieve, no matter the cost to others or myself. Self-absorbed, miserly, inconsiderate -- all words to describe my rancorous self.
I should've hung up the phone then and left him alone -- I should never have called him in the first place. My heart was too fractured, my soul too scarred; my presence in his life was toxic, and if I cared at all, I would've let him go for his sake. But I couldn't, so I did what I had always done: begged for forgiveness with nothing but lies on my tongue.
"I'm so sorry for running from you with no explanation -- it wasn't my intention to hurt you, and I don't know why I did. Can I come over so we can talk?"
His reluctance to forgive me sounded clear in his voice but still, he welcomed me over.
A short time later, I stood on his doorstep. When he opened the door an unfamiliar darkness gleamed in his eyes, leaving me to wonder if it was possible to heal the rift I had shorn between us. But he let me in, and that was the first step across the chasm.
"Why did you leave, Evelyn?" He asked, his voice coarse and low, as he sat on the couch across from me. "You told me everything was fine, but then you ran and haven't spoken to me in days."
I couldn't meet his eyes, instead, I stared at the ground, wringing my hands together. "It wasn't you, I just -- I couldn't handle it. You know I've never been the most open person, and marriage is something I've never thought about, so when you asked me I freaked out. I panicked, not because I don't love you or want to be with you -- because I do, I really do love you. I just, I don't know why, and when I realized how badly I fucked up I was too scared to admit it so I've been hiding from everything. Hiding from you even though I shouldn't. I've spent the last couple of days with Chelsea trying to clear my head and make sense of things."
"I wish you would have called me sooner. I've been so confused -- I didn't have any idea why you'd reject me like that. I thought you found someone new, that you didn't love me anymore."
"No, nothing like that. There's only you." The lie nearly caught in my throat, threatening to rip out my traitorous tongue.
His brown eyes were soft like melted chocolate when I dared to glance at him. "I'm glad... Evelyn, if I asked you again, what would your answer be?"
I knelt in front of him, cupping his face in my hands and taking a deep breath to settle the churning in my stomach. "I'd say yes, Jorden. I love you, and I want to spend forever in your arms."
His joyful grin wasn't enough to ease the ache in my heart. When he kissed me, the full realization of what I had done hit me. I was using him and there was no redemption for the sins I was to commit, but I had gone too far and there was no turning back from the path I had chosen to walk.
*
His hands skimmed over my skin, dipping beneath the fabric of my clothes and in return my own hands explored his body, my fingers unbuttoning his jeans, tugging the zipper down.
A trail of our shed clothes led to his bedroom where we collapsed together on the cotton sheets. I welcomed him into my body, arching my back as he kissed his way down my throat to my breasts.
Our bodies moved together, my hips rocking in time to his quick thrusts, drawing him in deeper. But our harmonious rhythm wasn't enough to dispel the discord slicing through me. The fierce waves of pleasure that tore through me, electrifying my core weren't enough to fill the emptiness in my heart.
Even as I cried out Jorden's name, clutching him against me as tremors wracked my body, I was numb. And maybe it was my fault. Maybe with every lie I had told, a piece of me chipped away, leaving nothing but a hollow shell. Perhaps I had traded my soul to keep from giving my heart and had ended up losing both.
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Can Evelyn be happy with this decision? Can their relationship work with her bitterness for herself and actions eating away at her?
Why do you think Evelyn is going back to Jorden even though doing so will only be hurtful? Let me know what you think, and what you would do in her situation.
