Alabaster Island

Chapter 4

"Well, now that Ethan and Marei have graced us with their presence, let's begin." Mrs. Caroline brushed a strand of blond hair that escaped from her bun and fanned herself. Tardiness was something she did not tolerate. 

"The Binding." 

Her words hung in the humid air like two thunderclouds. Sweat beaded on my brow and the entire room of teens seemed to cease breathing. 

"As you know, several factors go into the composition of each pairing. But one factor is choice: your preferences, your predilections. You've had several weeks now. Who will you put in for? Today is the glorious day when your choice becomes memorialized and taken into account as best can be."

Mrs. Caroline had a way of dragging on until I drifted off into fantasies and imaginings. But today I clung on her every word with sick horror. She strolled around the room and handed out white, three-inch by five-inch index cards. 

"Now, on the card you're to enter the person you choose. It's no guarantee. Not at all. You might not be bound with your choice. But Mayor Marlow and the Council will take them into consideration,"

Edward raised his hand. 

"Yes, Edward."

"Can we put more than one name?"

The class snickered. "I mean a first and second choice," he tried to clarify.

Mrs. Caroline shook her head. "No need for that level of complexity. One name will be sufficient."

I glanced over at Chloe. She stared at her card with a queasy look. My card had my name written in pen at the top. I didn't recognize the writing. It might have been Mayor Marlow's. Then beneath my name lay one word, Choice, and beneath that a solid, menacing black line hungry for a name.

"No need to belabor this. I'll give you a few minutes of silence to complete your cards and then we must move on. You've had plenty of chance to consider the options."

My fingers grew sweaty against the pen. I gripped it, fingers pinched and white. I needed to write someone. A name. A boy I liked. Daniel. I closed my eyes and thought through the same things I'd thought over and over again. Why did I make things so difficult? 

Sometimes it felt my mind was out of control, churning through options and potential outcomes until I felt, exhausted, tired and dizzy but no closer to choosing. Yes, we had had plenty of time. And I'd thought myself sick over it. I'd lost sleep. If only I'd had the chance to touch smooth luck rock today. 

La la la dee dee dee. The melody returned. And the image of the ocean popped into my head: Daniel swimming and smiling at me. To my left, Chloe quickly filled out her card. I couldn't read it from here, but I knew it must be Ethan. She folded her paper and lowered her head, eyes closed as if praying.

I tried to picture life with one of the island boys. Edward? An easy smile, strong and muscular from fixing up our houses. But Eddie was often moody and crazy for Katrina. Takai? Smarter than I was by a long-shot. I'd never get bored. With a theory about everything though, he might wear me out with his philosophizing. And he often had bad breath. I couldn't imagine kissing him. Rudolf? He'd be gentle with his long slender fingers and moony eyes. But he seldom smiled. I needed someone with more spark. 

Several of the other kids had written choices and folded their papers. Mrs. Caroline walked around collecting the cards. More time must have passed than I realized, because when I looked up, everyone stared at me, waiting. Blood rushed to my face. I was the only one left.

I put the pen to the paper...and my hand froze. While the wall clock ticked, I wrote nothing. My hand sat suspended. 

"Keeping us waiting once today wasn't enough for you, hmm Marei?" she said, tapping the collected cards against her desk. "You've lived with these boys for seventeen years. Plenty of time to get to know them. But maybe no one is good enough?"

After so much tension, the class burst out with laughter. I blinked away tears. What she said held some truth, but it wasn't fair and it wasn't correct. It's not that they weren't good enough. They were good. With a couple of exceptions most of the kids I'd grown up with were great. It was me. I could not choose. No one fit. Or it was me who didn't fit. I was like a puzzle piece dropped in the wrong box who didn't know where to place herself. 

Cupping my hand over the paper, I moved the pen as if I were writing. I kept waiting for the pen to land, to hit the paper and for a name to manifest itself. But I couldn't make myself put ink to paper. I could not choose! My mouth grew dry and my heart throbbed in my temples. Not knowing the implications, I folded the paper and gave it to Mrs. Caroline completely blank. 

"Good," Mrs. Caroline said. Even as she took the paper from me I wanted to grab it back and write a name, put in for someone, anyone...but too late. She took the papers and placed them in a black velvet bag. She nodded to someone at the back of the room. 

We turned. Mayor Marlow stood in the doorway silhouetted with the sun behind him. "I realize this hasn't been easy, but it will all be settled soon," he said. The light formed a halo around blond wisps of hair poking up every which way. For a moment, his hair reminded me of Daniel's. Daniel had spent hours complaining about his overprotective father. Any similarity ended with their hair. Mayor walked into the room dressed in a crisp linen suit. Seeing the middle-aged man's bare, sunburned scalp destroyed the illusion completely. 

Mrs. Caroline handed him the velvet sack, and he left. Something between terror and relief settled itself in my stomach. On the one hand, relief flooded through me to have it over with, done. But also terror because I had no idea what repercussions my indecision might have.

***

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