For The Longest Time

I Held You in My Arms Forever

   Mare and I always knew the boundaries between friendship and more than friendship. Although we were always so close, we liked what we were/are, and we wanted to keep it that way.

   But, we were opposite genders, and we were both attracted to that said gender. And for me at least, it was hard not to wonder "what if?"

   What if we got married one day? What if we had green eyed kids with quick feet? What if we had a happy marriage together in The Stilts?

   I don't know about Mare, but I always wonder.

   It wasn't until I was much older that I realized that I had feelings for her. I was about 15 when I found out where my true feelings fell. And I was the slightest bit a mess. Lucky for me, Mare wasn't too observant.

   I vowed that I wouldn't do anything until it was either killing me, or I knew she felt the same way. So for then, I kept our friendship the same but let myself steel little glimpses of her when she wasn't looking.

  Like when her hair was down, and the sun shone on it just the right way. Or when she shoved me after I made a joke, and I could see her smile for real. She always looked nice, but these moments were special.

   I didn't tell her about my feelings until much later, but there were some moments when I did wonder if she felt the same way based off of how she was acting.

   Like when she wanted me to hold her after Shade left for the war.

   Shade was the last of Mare's brothers that had to be sent off to fight the Silver's war, and although many people say there is no such thing as a favorite sibling, Shade was Mare's favorite.

   He was a lot smarter than his other brothers and he always made a serious situation a little less dark. But when he had to leave, Mare was devastated.

  He left on his 18th Birthday at 12:36 in the afternoon. The Barrows had invited me to come over and say goodbye with them but I didn't want to barge in on this moment between their family. So I settled on saying goodbye to Shade the day before.

   It was nothing special. He shook my hand and I told him to stay safe. He said "You're a good guy Warren. Look out for Mare for me. She gets in trouble a lot more than she gets out of it."

   I told him of course and we hugged. Then he went back into his house and I went home.

   Then next day after he left, Mare ran away from her crying family with tears in her own eyes. She ran straight to me on the docks. She didn't call my name but I heard something and turned around to see her.

   I stood to find her fall into my arms and hold onto me like I was the anchor keeping her from floating away. And then she sobbed into my shoulder.

   "He's gone. He's really gone." She said, squeezing my back and muffling her cries in my shirt.

   "I know Mare. It's okay," I said trying to calm her down a little bit. "Shade is such a smart person. Hell, he might be the smartest person there. He will be fine. I promise. Everything will be okay."

   I tried to pry her hands off of me so I could see her face, but she just hugged me more and said "Just stay. Please."

   So we sat down and she cried a little more before she looked me in the face again. "Thanks." She said whipping her eyes.

   She was obviously still sad so I just took her in my arms and I felt her melt into me.

   "Anytime."