True Feelings

Can't Help Myself

I can't help myself. Despite my better judgment I find myself thinking about him. I miss him. I hate that I miss him but I do, he has a permanent spot in my brain and a death grip on my heart. I don't love him. I've loved before and I don't love him, but I like him. More than I ever intended to. He let me go so why can't I seem to do the same. I dreamt about him the other day, I wish I hadn't. I wasn't even thinking about him before I went to sleep.

They say when you dream about someone it's because they were thinking about you, but I know that's not true. He hasn't spoken to me since June and his birthday is coming up soon. Do I wish him a happy birthday? Do I continue to ignore him?

I called him the other day, I wanted to hear his voice. I closed my eyes when I heard it, deep and rugged like I remember it. Why do I care so much when he cares so little. I wish I had the guts to tell him how I feel, the anger built up inside the sadness I feel. I miss the old us, the happier times. I don't like how we're split. Right down the middle we're broken and neither one of us are willing to fix it.

Maybe I will wish him a happy birthday. 

But I won't call, I promise.