True Feelings

He's Back

He called me once. I never mentioned it but he did. It was nice to hear his voice again, to know he was thinking about me. I still hold on to our old memories wishing I could go back desperately.

Its a new year now and he's back in my life. We aren't what we once were but it's better than it was before, when he broke my heart and ignored my existence.

Having him nearby keeps me smiling and when walks into the room he makes my day. He'll never know how much his smile means to me even though its not the same.

I can't make him smile like I use to and I can't make him laugh like I once did. But when he looks at me and I stare back into those dark eyes, there's an understanding. We know we'll never be what we once were and I've come to accept it. I no longer rile on just him for all my happiness.

But when he's so close his arm brushes mine or his elbow takes over my desk I can't help but feel close to him again. His hand still feels the same, warm and fit for mine. Our fingers no longer entwine but our hands collide sometimes, and he doesn't pull away. He almost slipped up one time, his fingers opened up and almost slide into mine. But he closed them quick and I ignored what he did.

Our relationship is complicated, I wonder sometimes if we're really friends. We insult each other like friends do, but we flirt in a way they don't and we stare at each other longer they we should, longer than normal friend would.

There are times when we don't exchange a single word. As if were mad at each other and it hurts. I'm still so vulnerable around him, I wish I wasn't but I am. I'm hurt when he doesn't talk to me and I'm over the moon when he does.

It sounds like I love him but I promise I don't. He just means a lot to me and with this being our last year together, I'll miss him when he's gone.