Subject A250: The Flame (COMPLETED)

Thirty-Eight: Survivor's Guilt

A/N: Short and sharp. Sorry. I cried a bit, not gonna lie. I think that's a first for me while writing actually.

The song will help with the emotion thing, too. Okay just started crying again while listening to it and picking a gif for the chapter.

Let's go.

"Where's Chuck?"

She'd had a shower; she'd eaten some food (bananas, of course); she'd brushed every last tangle out of her hair; she'd even brushed her teeth and now she was sitting in a comfortable room with everyone else. Everyone who'd survived.

She couldn't find Chuck.

Thomas had been quiet for some time now, and at the mention of his pal, he pulled his legs to his chest and hid his face from view, resting his forehead on his knees. It was a very bad sign.

Trace was panicking. "Did anyone hear me? I said: where's Chuck?"

Thomas shook his head, but he couldn't bring himself to look up at Trace. The others didn't seem to know what had happened; they all looked to Thomas for answers too. Teresa, sitting beside him, placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He died."

No.

Trace turned to glare at Teresa, her eyes prickling with tears. "You're lying."

Teresa shook her head once and bit her lip. "It was the lightning. He'd almost killed his monster. We were helping him pop the last bulbs when it happened. He died instantly."

Thomas sobbed loudly.

"No. No, no, no." This was wrong. This was so wrong. She'd saved him. She'd saved his life and now Chuck was dead?

It couldn't be true.

"He can't be dead. He's not- he's supposed to- it's not fair! He's supposed to make it! He's just a child. He's a child.."

She trailed off, sobs rendering her unable to speak. It just wasn't fair. She'd worked so hard to save him and a shuck lightning bolt had to take him away, just like that? It was so wrong.

"Alana and Tammy died too."

Trace didn't look up; she knew Lara's voice by now.

"They fought so well. They killed their monsters and then turned to help me with mine. I was running to the Berg with them when it struck. It killed both of them. They were running beside me one second and gone the next. Dead."

Trace was still crying into her lap. She'd pulled her knees up to her chest, just as Thomas had. She couldn't bear to look at the others right now; the sadness in their eyes would tear her heart apart.

First Flint, then Rose, now Chuck, Alana and Tammy. Probably more that she hadn't even met.

Of the recent deaths, Chuck's hurt the most. She thought she'd done the right thing by saving him that day when they'd escaped the maze. She thought she'd given him a chance at survival. That he could make it to the end. Instead, she'd dragged him through hell only to be killed at the end of it. No glory, just struck by a bolt of lightning. Purely due to chance.

She hated herself for that. It was like Rose all over again. She'd made both of them endure horrific circumstance and all it had given them in the end was death. There was no point to it at all. She was as bad as WICKED themselves.

"Trace?"

Newt's hand found her back and began rubbing it reassuringly. Unfortunately for him, she couldn't be reassured right now. She was falling apart again. The guilt was too much to handle and she wasn't entirely sure that someone hadn't carved a giant hole in her chest without her noticing. That's what it felt like; she felt empty inside.

"It's not your fault," Newt muttered, apparently reading her mind. "Any of you," he reiterated, directing his statement at Thomas and Lara as well. "They got hit by lightning. You had nothing to do with that. You couldn't have stopped it if you tried."

"I could've protected him," Thomas croaked. "I told him I would. I promised him he'd make it through the trials. I could've got him to the pods earlier, but I thought he needed to fight. I thought he'd want to finish what he'd started; he was doing so well."

Newt swallowed. His eyes glistened with tears. "He wanted to be like us," he stated. "He didn't want to be the young kid that had to be babysat all the bloody time. He wanted to fight for himself, and you gave him that chance."

"And it killed him." Thomas looked at Newt accusingly, his voice breaking mid-sentence. "I let him die."

"You know that's not true," Minho interrupted. "If you knew that was going to happen there was no way you would have let it. Same goes for you, Trace. You'd both fight your little butts off if we knew it meant that Chuck would be safe; we all would. But we couldn't know. There was no way we could. That's the shuckiest part of all: it could have been any of us."

The group lapsed into silence. Trace and Thomas had stopped crying and Trace reached out to grab Lara's hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

"We should be proud," Newt concluded, after a moment had passed. "Not guilty. We survived. We're here. Let's focus on that for now. We should be proud to live our lives in their honour, because that's what it is: an incredible honour."

Trace sighed and leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. Teresa did the same to Thomas and, for once, it didn't bother Trace.

"We survived," Newt repeated. "Now let's make use of that."