Addicted to You

Just This

"You haven't even asked my name."

"No names. Just this," Maya crashed her mouth back onto the girl's lips. She stumbled from the intoxication as she was led to the women's restroom in the back of the bar.

The girl latched the door behind them and turned to Maya. "I'm going to make you cum so hard. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Don't talk. Just... don't talk." Maya jumped onto the bathroom sink, taking another drink of her beer. It was her sixth by now.

Before now, there was Riley as she needed her to be. Straight. That explained why it wouldn't work. Maya could live with that. What she couldn't live with was a Riley who brought home a girl. What she couldn't bear to be around was a Riley curled up in bed with a girl that wasn't her.

It hadn't been a secret that Maya was gay since sophomore year of high school. She never told Riley she loved her, not in that way. But she had needed Riley to stop attempting to set her up with boy after boy.

Riley knew Maya liked girls. If Riley wanted to be with girls now why wasn't she good enough? What did that stupid blonde in her bed have that Maya didn't?

"You take the fun out of this," said the petite brunette standing in front of her, messing with the belt buckle on Maya's pants.

"Just don't. Please."

"You sure you want this? You don't seem like it," she pulled the jeans down over Maya's hips.

Maya nodded, "Yes." She had never been this exposed to anyone besides her doctor. Never in a million years would she have pictured her first time being like this: in a dirty bathroom in the back of a gay bar. It needed to happen though. She needed to feel something besides this heartache. "I need this." Maya closed her eyes tightly to brace herself but paused, "Wait. Give me more of that stuff before we do this."

"You mean this?" The brunette pulled a small bag from her pocket, filled with white powder.

"Yeah. That."

"You can call it what it is... cocaine," she said laughing at her. "I'll cut you another line."

The girl arranged some of the powder into a line on the back of her own hand, and offered it to Maya, who snorted without hesitation. "Thanks." She knew the full effect would take hold soon and was grateful she was still riding the high from her earlier dose. She wouldn't be able to go through with this otherwise. Sex, in a bathroom, with someone she only met an hour ago. She should be with Riley right now. If she was going to be with anyone it should be Riley. But here she is, naked from the waist down and stoned out of her mind, about to lose her virginity to a stranger. Riley doesn't want her. She would never be good enough. What is the point of waiting for something that will never happen?

It wasn't sweet or romantic. This was dirty and sloppy and clumsy. The alcohol did its job to blur what was actually happening. She felt alive for the first time since that home wrecker walked into their dorm room, with her fingers entwined with Riley's. That was the moment her world had shattered. Now she was taking control in the only way she could fathom. Her body was on fire. Whether it was from the cocaine, the alcohol, or the tongue at her core, she didn't know. She didn't care. All that mattered was that in that moment she wasn't thinking of Riley, the love of her life, falling into the arms of another girl.