The Good Girl's Diary

Confession

August 16th

Sitting in my bedroom currently crying

I suppose that today would be the day that I look back on to signify the change. Before today, I was a simple small town girl who hung out with her friends on the weekends; friends that I would be leaving behind in less than a week. Today my twin brother, Nathan, and I received a letter from our birth father. As morbid as it sounds, I thought he was dead for a while. At least that would give a simple explanation as to why he has not contacted us since he left a year after we were born. Now he decided to tell us that he was sick. Very sick with some sort of incurable disease that had him stuck in a gloomy New York City hospital for the time being. Of course, my father being the considerate man he is, decided that the best time for Nathan and I to get to know him would be now. That is why we are flying to New York City to live in the penthouse of some 5th Avenue hotel and attend a fancy private academy; because apparently not only is my father lonely but also filthy rich.

"What is it?" Nathan asked. I handed him the letter. "What kind of person puts this sort of news in a letter?" Nathan continued after skimming over the letter. "Apparently your father," my mom said staring over our shoulders. It was weird hearing her call them that. Honestly we did not call him anything; because we never talked about him. He was a sort of Voldemort in our daily lives. In my family's eyes, my stepfather was our dad; he had been since Nathan and I were 4. Now here we were 16 years old preparing to acknowledge the man we tried so hard to forget. "We are not actually going, are we?" I asked. "Well," My mom contemplated. "You are actually thinking about this ?" I raised my voice. "Phoebe, he is your father." "No," I said sternly, "I have a dad, and it's not this horrible excuse of a person." My mom looked at me with pleading eyes. "Phoebe," she put her hand on my shoulder, "I dislike him as much as you do, but you have to have some forgiveness in your heart." I nodded my head.

"So I have to go too?" Nathan asked. "Were you seriously thinking that I was going to go alone?" I said in a state of shock. "It's not like you have anything going for you here." "What do you mean?" "Look, I am not trying to be rude, but you don't actually do anything," He gestured to a collection of photos on the refrigerator, "You see my basketball pictures, baseball pictures, my girlfriend and me, my band, and then you have your yearbook photos." "I am an at home musician." "Your hobbies don't count.""You're such a jerk," I said pushing past him. I was slightly teary eyed, but too embarrassed to let actual droplets fall. I was upset that he was right, I was upset that I had to go to New York, and I was upset that my dad had waited this long to contact me. Do not get me wrong, I love the idea of going to NYC. My room is literally plastered with posters of Times Square and debutants walking down fifth avenue, but visiting is different than a permanent stay with dreadful strangers as soon as your feet land on New York as asphalt.

"Hey Phebs," mom said walking in my room, "It's all going to be okay. You just have to look on the bright side." She sat down on the edge of my bed, "You have always wanted to go to Manhattan, and here's your chance." "Why can't we just go for my birthday? Would that not suffice." "Phoebe," my mom said seriously, "No one is forcing you to go." "Okay," I said confidently, "then I'm not going," "but," I rolled my eyes at the word. "This is one of those things that you are going to regret not doing. You're going to go enjoy it. You're going to to go see all of the sights from that silly show that you watch-" "Gossip Girl," I interrupted. She nodded her head, "gossip girl. And then you'll go to an academy with the best education. You could probably even join classical music programs a hundred times better than what's offered here." After I started to contemplate it, the entire idea didn't sound as absolutely horrible as it did to begin with.

"What about you?" I inquired. "You know I'll be up there every weekend, if not more. I could not resist an excuse to go shopping on fifth avenue." I laughed, "shopping? Not to see your daughter?" "Honestly, I would rather you stay here and never leave, but I know that this is a good opportunity for you." I smiled, "You really think so?" "I already talked to your father, and he has already gotten you into a junior orchestra if you're up for it?" "Yeah definitely; what about Nathan?" "What do you mean?" "Like what about his sports?" "Do you not think Nathan would be happier playing baseball for a high school team with one of the highest number of former players in the major leagues."

The more I thought about it the more the idea seemed to come together.

August 18th

Bedroom

I was actually beginning to feel a little excited about moving until I had to tell everyone. I thought everyone would be happy for me, but I was completely wrong. I started thinking that me being in New York would not be as bad because everyone would want to visit: boy was I wrong.

I told a few acquaintances for practice and they were a little intrigued and jealous, but that was it. Then came time to tell my best friends: Liam Williams and Parker Styles.

"Hey guys," I said sitting down at our lunch table. "Hey," Parker said not looking up from her phone. Their disinterest immediately shut down my confidence. "What's for lunch," I said awkwardly. "Same as always," Liam laughed, "chicken fingers." "Was that really a shock?" Parker questioned. "Well they have more than just chicken fingers up there. Sometimes change is good you know? Maybe, it would be better to get a sandwich.  I just hate how things are always the same here," I stumbled to make a bit of sense. "Phoebe, what the heck are you going in about?" Parker asked (somewhat rudely I may add). "I'm moving." I said flatly. They both looked up at me. "Houses? You'll still go to school here right?" Parker said chewing a mouthful of french fries. "Not exactly." "Then where?" Liam asked. "Uh, not too far," I paused, "New York."

I looked up at their faces. I had put them both in a state of shock. Liam looked like he'd seen a ghost, and Parker just looked mad. "You aren't funny Phoebe." She said with her eyes locked on me. "I'm not kidding. My dad," I took a breath, "my birth dad contacted us. He is sick, and wants Nathan and I to come up there for the school year." "No, you can't go," Parker said teary eyed, "you're my lab partner." There was so much more to say about out friendship, but neither of us could bear to mention how moving would ruin such a perfect duo. "Seriously?" Liam looked at me.

It was almost harder seeing Liam upset. I have been in love with him since elementary school, but you know how the friend zone works. He'd never see me as anything more than a little sister. I wanted the caring look on his face to be more powerful. I wanted him to ask me to stay. This was the moment in movies where the boy finally tells the girl how he feels, but alas there he sat eating chicken looking aimlessly at our emotional faces.

"I leave on Tuesday." "I still don't believe you," Parker cried. "You're going to have to," I didn't feel like crying. I had cried enough about the situation and I was ready to go for it. "I'm going to go get some tissue," Liam stood up. Parker turned to me. "You can visit whenever," I said. Parker scoffed, "Like my aunt would allow that." I hated seeing her upset. She had already been through so much pain and I hated being the cause of it. Her mom died in a car wreck five years ago, and her dad was in jail for a number of reasons. Now here she was crying because of me. "Please just try to understand that I have to go, so I'm trying to make the best of it. When you do get a chance to come it will be so much fun. I'm right on Fifth Avenue, and I'm sure there's going to be so many hot guys at the new private school that I'm going to." Parker smiled.

We decided to have a big going away party on Tuesday before I head to the airport. Hopefully Liam will confess his love for me then.