Chrissy Teigen's Culinary School for Wayward Models (Cravings fic) COMPLETE

Chapter 13: The Conflagration of LilMizKiki_321

[Previously on CTCS4WM:]

"Here you go!" Chrissy said, gently lifting the Luna cake and offering it to the demon.

The demon paused, staring at the cake. "It's probably not even very good but whatever," it hissed. And with a fierce whip-crack of lightning it grabbed the cake out of Chrissy's hands and disappeared back into the internet from whence it came.

"Yay," Chrissy said. "The end. And they all lived happily ever after."

"I feel like that would be weird. If that was the ending," Barbie said.

"You guys. It's fine," Chrissy said. "That's totally the ending. Relax."

~*~*~*~

LilMizKiki_321 returned to Twitter, her home, triumphant. She flew from post to post, bursting with pride and accomplishment. She had faced down a celebrity (not even a talented celebrity! A fake celebrity! The worst kind!) and forced her to do her bidding IRL. She had cowed and shamed the celebrity into returning what had been stolen. She had shown Chrissy Teigen the error of her ways, and forced her to apologize and right the wrongs that had been suffered.

LilMizKiki_321 was so powerful. She felt the energy crackling through every atom of her being. There was nothing she couldn't do. Chrissy Teigen, with all her followers and her magazine covers and swimsuit Instagrams and questionable recipes, had met LilMizKiki_321 and realized, at last, what truth was.

Twitter, the world, felt clean and bright.

LilMizKiki_321 bounced from thread to thread, the letters L-U-N-A cradled in her arms. Let all who saw her online know that she had faced down Chrissy Teigen and won. The letters were a shield, a badge, a warning sign. She felt a newfound courage, a certainty that this was where she belonged, this was what she was put on the internet to do. She dipped in and out of arguments, starting disagreements and ending a few more with her exquisitely formed opinions. She was right. She had never been more right. The letters she carried proved it.

She couldn't...the words spelled something. Or meant something? Sometimes it was difficult, amidst the arguments and the voices all shouting and crowding her head for attention, why the letters had mattered in the first place. But she had them. She had lost them and won them back from a celebrity. That was what mattered. That was what she needed everyone else to see and understand.

Sometimes, beneath the shouting, beneath the voices that raged in every direction around her, she thought she heard something. A child? Crying? But she couldn't tell where the sound was coming from. There were no children here. This was the internet. There was only people being wrong and the people whose job it was to fix the people who were wrong.

Sometimes, in the rare quiet moments in between arguments, there was a brief flicker of another world, something completely foreign and out of place. There was a house, a room that was an impossible mess. Dark lighting and old furniture and piles of things everywhere, falling in heaps. A young boy crying. alone. A husband trying frantically to get the attention of a tired-looking woman who was staring blankly at her screen with dark circles etched beneath her eyes. A birthday cake, melting and sinking into itself, moldy and covered in maggots.

And then someone would say something wrong on the internet and the strange world would vanish, blink away, replaced by Twitter, the world she knew and understood, the endless threads of disagreements that she could wrap around her arms. The conversations she could bend and push and derail with just the right words at the right time. The power she she so excelled at wielding.

Inevitably, the waves of internet arguments carried LilMizKiki_321, as they invariably did, back to Chrissy Teigen's Twitter. There was a new argument, a sudden rush of panicked voices in her head, you won't believe it, you won't believe it, that practically dragged her across the internet to see what Chrissy had done this time.

It was with a heavy heart that LilMizKiki_321 was forced to announced that Chrissy Teigen was once again on her dumb shit. What she had done this time hardly mattered. Kim's decrepit Blackberry had finally died and Chrissy had sent her flowers? So dumb! Who cares! The way these celebrities are so desperate for attention, it was sickening. But that was not even the issue. LilMizKiki_321 floated there, a battlefield of outrage widening around her in every direction as she scanned Chrissy's timeline in utter disbelief.

There was something worse, something even more unforgivable.

Chrissy still hadn't blocked her.

And not only that: Chrissy hadn't publicly apologized or acknowledged what had happened. How LilMizKiki_321 had come to her IRL and forced her to repent and apologize. Nothing! Not even a subtweet acknowledging the difficult lesson she had been forced to learn.

Nothing. It was as though their interaction hadn't even happened? It was like LilMizKiki_321 didn't even exist?? Like she hadn't changed Chrissy Teigen's life, utterly and irrevocably??

Like........how dare she????

LilMizKiki_321 felt something terrible and fierce howl inside her. Her anger and outrage grew, and with it her power. She looked down and realized she was no longer carrying the letters. She had dropped them in a thread at some point. It didn't matter. What mattered was teaching Chrissy Teigen a lesson, once and for all. Was fixing this extremely wrong and misguided person, forever.

Because, now that LilMizKiki thought about it, it wasn't enough that Chrissy had given the name back. It was outrageous that it had taken so long! It was insane, the lengths LilMizKiki had had to go to show Chrissy the truth. How dare Chrissy make her visit her IRL and do all this work, just to fix a problem Chrissy never should have caused in the first place? And then to not acknowledge at all any of LilMizKiki's hard work? To continue to be terrible on the internet without remorse? It was unconscionable. There were limits. Clearly Chrissy Teigen refused to learn.

Every fiber of Chrissy's being was wrong and terrible, an affront to decent, sensible people.

She needed to be fixed, swiftly and without hesitation.

It was no longer enough to prove her wrong. Chrissy Teigen had to be stopped. Permanently.

LilMizKiki_321 focused every last bit of her energy on how utterly wrong and terrible Chrissy Teigen was. Her anger swirled and raged and grew, extending out from her timeline in every direction. It swept out across Twitter like a brush fire, scorching all who came into contact with it. Anyone who felt her anger, anyone who engaged with it, was subsumed by it, became part of it, until at last LilMizKiki_321 was no longer just one perfect and correct being: she was an army of truth. And then she did what armies are best at: she went to war.

~*~*~*~

Oh no! What's going to happen?!?! I'm freaking out. Have you ever had a negative experience on the internet? Sometimes my writing rubs people the wrong way and I get a little bit of hatred directed at me in the comments on my books. I try not to let it get to me but it does! A lot! I can't imagine what it must be like to be a celebrity and have so many people focus their hatred & jealousy at you all day every day. I try my best to just be a positive person online, there's enough negativity in the world.

Anyways thanks for reading, and thanks for your comments & votes! More soon!