I Didn't Choose To Be This Way! (Rin Okumura X Reader) {Book 1} [#Wattys2019]

New School, New Life

Listen to the media during this story (Future Morgan here, I still love that song)

(F/C)= Favorite Color

!! THERE IS A PART WHERE SELF-HARM IS DESCRIBED AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ARE MENTIONED, I PUT THE ENDING AND STARTING POINT OF IT. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION !!

*Your POV*
On the way to True Cross, I had a bit of an outburst. "Hey! Can I have a boys uniform! It's ridiculous that I have to wear a skirt that shows this much thigh and leg in general! It's sickening that you make girls wear skirts like you think we will enjoy wearing! I hate it personally. I'm not a girl that is a part of the stereotype that girls love pink and skirts. I like (F/C) and I don't like skirts I like (Favorite Piece Of Clothes)." I yell. The boys look astonished at what I just did. "Well if you feel that way here you go (Y/N)," Mephisto said as he handed me a boy's uniform.

Rin blushed as he saw me looking at it and Yukio was just trying to stop Rin from the perverted thoughts in his head. "Rin, Yukio, Mephisto" I started. "Leave! Right now before I kick all your butts!" I yelled. They all fled for the door because they knew how bad my temper would get. I then changed and came out with all my hair cut off into a haircut that looks like this-

"(Y/N) what happened to your hair?!" Rin questioned. "I cut it all off. It got annoying putting it up. I had scissors in my bag so I cut it." I said plainly. "Well, it suits you. What do you think...Rin?" Yukio asked. Rin looked at me in shock because I cut my hair. Big whoop who cares.

*Rin POV*
She...cut...her....hair. It was long so I understand why she cut it but it looked so clean for being hand-cut. "How did you get it to look so professional? I mean you just did it right?" I asked. "Well, I've been cutting my hair since I was about 10 so I got pretty good at it over time I guess" (Y/N) said.

*Yukio POV*
Rin was overreacting about her hair. It was weird.

*Your POV*
Weird, Rin cares about my hair. I smirked at him and said "Am I your sister or something? Calm down I'm 15 Rin" I said in a sarcastic voice. He didn't have to be worried about me. "I've been taking care of myself for 10 years Rin. I'll be fine" I said. I had to stay in their dorm since I enrolled so late. I took the room next to theirs and began unpacking. It was just a backpack of clothes and pictures. Nothing much, it was all I owned. I had nice clothes for a 15-year-old who depended only on herself. Rin then came in to check on me. "You settling down alright in here?" Rin asks. "I'm fine, thanks," I say.

As he leaves I pick up a picture of me and my brother, (B/N). He was such a nice guy. He was only my age when he died. I then started crying without knowing. Crying turned into sobbing in a matter of minutes. I did it unaware of the situation. After 5 minutes I just let it all go. I had been keeping this strong girl act for 10 years and I'm done.

I want to be strong. I am strong. But sometimes you have to let go of everything. Crying, laughing, and even screaming. You just have to let these emotions out. Whether you want to or not. After a while, I got on my bed and curled into a little ball, and started sobbing again.

**TW SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS** I WILL SAY WHEN THE WARNING IS OVER

Little did I know, Rin and Yukio were outside my room listening to me talk to myself and cry. I decided to get up and get my blade out of my backpack. I cut a rip in my right forearm and then one on my thigh, next one on my upper left arm then my cheek. The boys came in after that and took my blade away from me and then got some bandaids and rubbing alcohol. I tried to get my blade from Yukio but Rin grabbed me from the waist so I wouldn't leave the room to find it. Yukio then came back and looked worried.

"(Y/N) is there something we should know?" Yukio asked. I nodded back and said "I've wanted to commit suicide ever since my brother died. I have no other family left. I never had much family to begin with anyway. So when he died I tried to kill myself a few times but then I was too chicken to do it so I would cut myself." Yukio and Rin looked at me like I was a monster. We then went to the bathroom to bandage my cuts. Then the questions began.

"Why? Why would you want to do that?!" Rin yelled. I was crying again because it was an extremely touchy subject for me and I didn't like talking about it very much. But if they could help me. I would talk.

**TW FOR SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IS OVER NOW**

"Because it may seem like I love the life that I live but, I'm being mentally tortured. I've never liked life. No one, not even my parents loved me. My brother was the only one who loved and cared for me and now he's gone! Forever! He can't come back! And that's why I'm going to die alone! Without a family because no one will love me for who I am!" I finished. They looked at me as I was crying. I realized Yukio was done with my cuts so I ran out the door and fell. Darkness absorbed me and I heard one thing before I had passed out.

"(Y/N)!!!"

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edited on- 6/14/19 @ 1:48pm

Edited again on- June 18, 2021 @5:50 pm