Insanely sane

1

In astrology exists such thing as sade sati periods. Sade sati starts with Saturn, aka pain in the ass, entering into your zodiac sign. Saturn sticks with you approximately for 7 and a half years, divided into 3 peak and setting parts.  If you're a lucky person you end up getting 7 and a half years or even less, so obviously, being me - I got 8.

You're probably wondering, just like I was - what the hell does it even mean? Long story short sade sati means your life crisis. It is calculated by the time, place of your birth and can easily be calculated online if you dig enough for it, but the dumb ass that I am, I ended up going to an astrologist. Normally a person has 2 sade sati periods, the 3rd most likely leads to death.

Whatever you get attached to during sade sati - you lose, whatever is important to you is taken from you. For example, if you're the most popular person and have the best best friend in the whole world, you will end up being the person that is bullied, also is betrayed by the closest person. Yes, the personal experience included.

Sade Sati might sound like a bitch ass period, and it can't be denied that in a way it truly is, however, the main goal of it is to teach you to only depend on yourself, make you realize you don't need others or certain things to exist. It makes you grow. And what makes you grow is never easy.

Was I expected to blame most of my life on astrology, which isn't even scientifically proven? Because I sure as hell did. It was just easier to think that it was written in the stars for me to go through hell, instead of it being completely without logical reasoning. 

My astrologist told me a lot of unnecessary information, to say the least, but what made me believe in the whole process in the first place was what she said about the period in which I still hadn't come out for the whole world to admire, also the one I had slight to no memory about. It was about the time I was growing in my mom's stomach and the first years of my life.

She said something along the lines: "This and this (and I say this and this because I have no idea what she was talking about) shows that your current situation is greatly affected by the time you were still growing inside of your mom and the first years of your life. The uneasiness and lack of security you felt back most likely affects your emotional state now."

This was the first time I'd heard of something like that, even my psychologist hadn't dug enough to make an assumption about the one thing that's perhaps the only that might change something in my life. So obviously I asked my mom what happened IF something even did, and that's how I ended up finding out my parents would've broken up if it wasn't because of me, also the fact I had lived the very first years of my life with my mom, because she refused to live with my dad, but eventually they smoothed things over for the sake of me and my older sister only to have a very scandalous end when I was 11. 

No, they didn't divorce when I was 11, of course. In fact, they stayed together for a few more years, yet I still see that summer as the end of them in my eyes. You don't just go and stick a gun in front of your wife's face without any reasoning or consequences after all. 

But enough about my family, which is probably not as fucked up as I make it out to be. I actually have a family most envy, but that's mostly because my parents are as chill and friendly now as they could ever be. Not that it was always like that.

Are you shocked by this? Well, if you are, I'd strongly advise you to get it together, or, if you need it to come to extreme solutions, stop reading, because that is only a teeny tiny part of my life. 

So, back to more recent years of my life. The ones that are meant to change you forever, bend your stubborn ass brain into a better functioning one, and in a way, fuck you up in ways you've never been fucked before. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed a high school.