THE BOAT TRIP: Stampy And Squid

Need or Want?

--STAMPYS POV--
"W-why did she say no? What happened?!" David asked in shock,
"Because she loves me." I told him, feeling as though the whole world was collapsing.
"Joe I'm not getting this.. If she.. If she loved you she'd have said yes."
"She loves me, therefore she understands me. She knows what I don't want anyone to know, she knows that I don't care about her more than anything else in the world.. She knows.." I admitted, sitting down on the bed as tears subsided.
"Stamps..." He said. Sitting down beside me, I thought I may as well just spill the tea.
"It's Eva."
"I know." He knows? "I mean how could you just forget about her? How could you forget about Eva, who was shot by my brother.. How could you? It's impossible. I wouldn't forget if I were you."
I tensed up. Reminding myself that it was his brother who did all this. All of this. Everything. This was all his fault.
I stood up with a feeling of rage in my bones. I clenched my fists, reminding myself that this wasn't David's fault, I couldn't hurt him.
"Joe.." David began, grabbing my arms. I shook him off,
"Get off me." I repelled, walking away up on deck. David looked back at me in shock.

Last Night..

I gazed up at Beth before leaning down on one knee.
"You mean everything to me Beth." I began, looking up at her shocked face. It wasn't a good shock.
"Beth y-you.. You're everything I've ever wanted and more."
Beth covered her mouth with one hand, shaking her head.
"Please.. Make me the happiest man in the world-"
"Joseph.. I won't make you the happiest man in the world. I know rightly that if I say yes you'll be happy for a couple hours before you leave and then you'll go back to depression and anxiety. You're insane. Stop lying to me Joe."
"Beth, look into my eyes, am I lying to you?" I asked, gazing up at her,
"Yes. Joe. Yes you are lying. And no. No I won't marry you. Not yet."
I looked down, "and there's nothing I can do to change your mind?"
"No."
I nodded, standing up and closing the box with the ring.
Beth put one hand on my cheek and kissed me on the lips.
"Joe, whatever is bothering you.. Well.. Everything that's bothering you.. David, Nicole, family, Courtney, Eva.. I hope you can move on from it."
I kept silent and looked at her, watching her leave.

20 hours later

"Hey." David said, walking up the steps onto the deck.
"Hi," I responded,
"I'm sorry," he began, looking down. "I really am."
"I don't care. It's fine." I replied. Keeping a firm grip on the steering wheel.
"You want to turn back." David noticed,
"No I don't." I denied.
"You need to tell her that you love her."
"She knows that I love her! I told you! She understands me! Just because your engagement went so well doesn't mean mine will too! You're forgetting that this is your fault!" I yelled at him.
"How the hell is this my fault!?" David argued, his fists tensing with rage.
"Tom was the guy who arranged Sqaishey to fall out with us! He was the reason that Eva  and I met! If you hadn't..." I stopped, realising that if I carried on I'd only offend him.
"If I hadn't what? If I hadn't gotten wealthy? If I hadn't become successful? If I never met you?! Would you rather I was never born at all?!"
I stayed silent, not wanting to argue with him more.
"I am not my brother. Beth was right. You are insane. Go to bed I'm driving."  He announced, pointing down the steps.
I did as he asked. He was right.
"I'm not the only one who's insane. I know you still feel it too." I told him.
"Feel what?" He asked,
"Pain." I responded, but it wasn't physical pain.
I walked back down into the cabin and lay down on the bed, closing my eyes and trying to sleep.

"Stamps?"
"Stamps I know you're awake."
It was Squid, of course, and he was right.. Of course. He was always right.
"How could you sleep after saying a thing like that?"
He walked down the stairs to see me sitting up in bed.
"You should be driving." I told him.
"You should have some respect." He replied.
"I have all the respect I need."
"Well clearly that's not enough." David responded. He took both his hands off the door.
"Dave lets not fight... That'll only make things worse." I told him.
He nodded, sitting down beside me,
"Listen.. I..I'm sorry if what I said hurt you.. I.. I'm not myself." I apologised.
He nodded, "yeh." He sighed. "But you were right. I still do feel the pain. My daughter is dead. The girl I swore to protect with my life, and I just left her mother to marry this guy and she is going to hate me for the rest of her life, the guy who just left her.."
I knew that I had triggered something that probably shouldn't have been triggered and the last thing I wanted was for David to break down because of Sarah again.
"David-" I began,
"Just promise me one thing: this stays between us."
"What?"
"Everything. Eva, Sarah, Lily, all of it. The cameras don't catch a glimpse of what is really going on. Don't tell the media any more about this. This is our life, the only people that deserve to know about this is us. Do you understand me?"
I nodded, shaken by his response.
"Joseph do you want to turn back?" He repeated.
I thought about this for a moment.. Do I really need to? Would it change anything? She knows I love her, but she knows too much. Oh god what do I do?!
"Okay I can sense mixed opinions here." David said, "tell me everything that just went through your head."
"Dave, I don't know. I love her to bits and I always will and have but I just don't know if.. If I'm ready to commit to something like this."
"What did you feel when you proposed to her.. Why did you do it?"
"Jeez if you're gonna be a psychiatrist about it then.. I.. I guess I did it because I love her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.."
"And why did she say no?" David interrogated,
"Because she knows me too well.. She knows that I can't focus on one thing at a time. I'm paranoid, terrified that some old mistake is going to come back to bite me and I wouldn't have the concentration on her."
"Joe." David said, "you didn't propose to her because you want her. You proposed to her because you need her. You need someone to help you get through this, and you know I can't potter around with you all the time, I'm just your friend."
"Just friends.." I sighed, thinking about what he said. "You're right. I didn't want you to be right but you are.. I do need her.. I really do." I sighed, looking out at the blue crystal sea.
"Joe.. This is the part where you punch me in the face." David announced.
I turned around to see him holding up his phone.. He was in a call with Beth.
"You bastard..!"