I sighed. Nothing was better than working at LeBlanc on Valentine's day and watching all the happy couples be all happy and shit.
Okay, yes, so maybe I was little bit bitter (like my coffee, sadly). But it was because I had planned to spend today with Yusuke but I didn't have courage to do the most important part. That part being actually asking him. But I couldn't do it. Whenever I even thought about it, my heart sped up and my palms got sweaty. When I did actually go up to him nothing would come out of my mouth, so I just gave up on it.
"Yo," Ryuji said as he entered the shop. He talked with Sojiro for a bit before I took Ryuji off his hands. I made both of us a cup of coffee and we sat down at the nearest booth, being salty singles.
"Why are you alone anyways? Didn't you have all those climbing over you an' shit?" He asked eventually.
"None of them really interested me." I lied. Ryuji groaned. "This is bullshit! Even Yusuke got a girl."
I felt part of my heart die and dissolve into nothingness, leaving an unfixable hole. Of course he found someone else, why wouldn't he? "I mean, he's pretty good-looking."
"What?"
"Wot?"
Ryuji slide down his seat and sighed. "This sucks." He took a sip of the coffee. It barely passed his lips before he spit it out "And so does this!"
I stared into the depths of the steaming cup that I had been too wise to take a sip out of. "You're telling me . . ."
I blinked. I looked around myself and sighed. That day was exactly seven years ago. A day I still wonder what might have happened and what might have been if I had had the courage to say something.
But since I hadn't, I still lie awake at night, knowing that that was an opportunity I would never get back. And yes, I could move on, but I know for sure I would never feel the same for any other person as I felt for him. Yet our chances together only existed in my thoughts, and even that didn't work out well most of the time.
Maybe I'm just meant to be alone and unloved. To be the one bachelor at the wedding who doesn't hook up with anybody. To watch all my friends get married and have children and watch over the kids whenever their parents were busy. To have the only thing to meet my lips and slide down my throat as I sigh satisfaction be a bottle of vodka.
Valentine's Day. A day of love and happiness. But without anybody to spend it with, it was just a cruel reminder that I was a coward.
Maybe I should just sleep this one through . . .
Then I felt something soft against my forehead.
My eyes fluttered open. That was four years ago. I looked up to see the smiling face of my husband. And I couldn't help but to smile back at him. It was infectious.
"Good morning my love."
I pecked his lips.
"Morning Akechi."
It's been forever, and forever was the time it took me to realize that I needed to move on. I couldn't put a pause on my love life just because of a guy I haven't seen in about a decade. Yes, I still loved him with every ounce of blood in my body, but I had to get over him.
And I had to get over that failed Valentine's day
