How To Get A Boyfriend (FOR PUSSIES)

"I met him yesterday, I'm going to marry him."

Oh please, we all know that unless you're in a wattpad book, you can't fall in love with a stranger in less than twenty four hours. Unless you're a fucking idiot.

"But Leahhhhh he's not a stranger, he's in my grade and we have two classes together."

Well to that I say, "Shut up. You don't know shit about him, and just because he's in your grade, it does not mean he's automatically crossed off the stranger list."

Stranger danger, okay?

I hate seeing middle schoolers and high schoolers doing this, you meet a guy and then realize you have a crush on him...WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THIS KID'S FAVORITE COLOR.

Like honestly, today no one knows basic information about the other person but the chances of knowing deep dark secrets are like eighty percent more likely.

Oh yes, you know he gets abused at home and rides a bad boy motorcycle but what grade is this bitch in? You know his damn social security number but not his birth date?

Okay maybe this is more of a Wattpad book thing...

Anyways.

My friends will often tell me about the guys they crush on and go on and on about how cute they are, but it's never about how NICE this kid is. So here's the question: "What the fuck is a personality?"

Because from what I've gathered, their looks are what attracted you the most, and that's the problem with people who rush into every relationship. They are infatuated with the image of them that they see, and if they spent more than two seconds talking with the boy, they'll realize what an asshole he is.

Or not. Whatever.

How can girls complain about getting heartbroken, when it's kinda really their fault for falling for a guy's looks?

You are so....fucking stupid. But that doesn't mean I don't feel bad for you, teenage infatuation sucks. Sometimes you know he's a fuck boy, but damn he's just that attractive.

Hormones. They either fuck you up or....yeah that's it.

Don't give into the devil, you will regret it. Books are misleading, most guys aren't actually super sweet beneath their fuck boy-bad boy-loner persona.

They're just dicks.

Oh so story time, I had this friend-she was amazing- BUT she  changed her crushes like she changed her clothes.

Every fucking day.

A bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point. She would say something about a random guy being cute, and then ask me "Should I ask him out?"

Like what the actual fuck, you don't even know this guy.

It was usually this decently cute ish eh boy, and she would be pretty obsessed with him for like a month. Or like two weeks.

Wow, what a crush.

No, that's just fucking stupid. If you're moving on from guy to guy that fast, please calm yourself and get a life.

These guys could be serial killers or creepy stalkers and you wouldn't know because you assume that because he's attractive-he's also perfect. News flash. Looks aren't everything.