How To Get A Boyfriend (FOR PUSSIES)

"Nice guys....finish last?"

Some bitches have their standards for a guy higher than their IQ, like no you're not going to find a guy whose attractive, smart, has culinary skills, donates to charity, is an Olympic star, and goes to your highschool. Like damn.

Life just ain't that easy okay.

If it was....well, it's not. Stop dreaming.

And some bitches want a nice guy. But see when they say "nice guy" they don't actually mean a nice guy. They want a guy whose sweet, but can defend themselves and you if a situation like ... uh...idk...some guy tries to beat you up because you fucked up his life... ever occurs. Which it most definitely will. Especially if you're an annoying bitch who likes to lead guys on. 

Also, most girls want a cheesy romantic guy.

MOST girls. And if you haven't figured it out by now, I mean girls who aren't me.

Now what is it about these nice guys that girls like so much?

well. I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

1. They're sweet. 

They'll open doors for you, cook for you, clean you fucking house for you, do chores, do laundry, do you...etc. They're kind, patient, and basically every quality parents want their children to have although 9999% of the time they turn out to be shit. Nice guys, are the 1%. And since Earth has at least a hundred people, that's already one person you can find who is a nice guy. 

2. Not really that funny.

If i'm being honest, which I am, I don't find nice guys attractive. I don't want a guy who always compliments me 24/7 like okay dude I know I'm the shit you don't have to remind me every 5 minutes. A guy who constantly calls me beautiful would just be creepy as hell, like deep down they're probably just horny or some shit idk. SPEAKING OF WHICH, I just started school and wow PDA at my school is legit. These goddamn people like to stop in the middle of the hall-WHICH MIND YOU THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH CLASSES THAT ARE ACROSS THE DAMN SCHOOL-and just like hug or some shit like can't you do that at a place where there isn't human trafficking going on and whatever.

3. They're probably innocent as hell.

No no no. These nice guys can range from being innocent to slightly less innocent. They're like the shy girls I talked about, but you know...with a dick. Actually no, nice guys usually have no balls. YO they're pussies, but I mean society has forced them to be a man and be the one to ask girls out, thats a lot of damn pressure if you ask me. 

Still, I think a guy who is at least dirtier than the girl would be a better match. I mean, I'm not saying it has to be a like Jane the virgin and Alex-Blake-Damien badboy whatever. But it would just be awkward if this dude can't say penis without blushing. 

4. They're fake.

OKAY A GUY CAN'T BE NATURALLY THIS NICE AND THIS BORING AND HAVE ZERO PERSONALITY. So there was this "nice guy" who liked me-He probably regrets it now.-and I always thought he was super sweet, not a super dirty guy and you know all that sweet shit. Then like one day, literally out of the fucking blue he starts making dirty jokes around me and stopped being so damn nice.

Uh what the fuck. I don't care how much puberty changes a man, you don't go from a nice guy to a horny guy just over night. No, Just No.

See guys are just like girls. They do the same stupid shit as we do AND WOW I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY OH WOW. But like no shit, we're all human...damn it. 

Moral of the tale-story-nice guys aren't really that fucking nice. Oh but what about that .0001%? Good luck finding those bitches.

And now we talk about talking to those nice guys. WAIT HANG ON HANG ON. I FORGOT THOSE NICE GUYS WHO THINK THEYRE SLICK AND TRIES TO ESCAPE THE FRIENDZONE. OH MY HOW COULD I FORGET OH NO.

THESE BITCHES ARE A WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL OF NICE. In youtube videos the guys are always saying shit like "I mean I want her to be happy. I always give her honest advice, not influenced by my feelings for her, of course."

Please.

You may say this, but I'm sure as a girl stuck in the friend zone you've at least talked shit about yo man-who not really yo man-'s girlfriend to his face with the "You could do so much better." bullshit once. or twice. OR MAYBE YOU JUST EXPRESS YOUR HATE STRAIGHT UP TO THAT GIRL'S FACE Ooh sO sAvaGE.

Basically these guys do the same things, wait for you to become single AND SNATCH YOU. They help you with the breakup, say they'll always be there for you-aka I wanna fuck-and then dash when you tell them "You're such a great FRIEND."

WHY DO THE GUYS AlWAYS DISAPPEAR THE SECOND THEY GET FRIENDZONED, LIKE SHE DOESN"T LIKE YO ASS SO YOU JUST BREAK THE FRIENDSHIP??? UM???

Then you call her a bitch, blah blah. Wow i'm totally ranting about guys ok cool. Still. 

Why do guys stop talking to a girl when they're no longer pursuing them? Like hello, yes um there is this funny thing called being friends oh yes what an absolutely intriguing word that you've probably never heard of before BECAUSE YOU DON"T USE YOURE GODDAMN BRAIN. Girls and guys can be just friends. 

A nice guy, stops being a nice guy when they realize they're in the friend zone. Why? Why did you pretend to be someone you're not? Why can't you just stay friends with the girl? Why are you such an asshole?

Why.

~~~~

vOtE

WOW SO LIKE SCHOOL STARTED FOR ME AND HONESTLY I JUST HATE EVERYONE. This is so short and rlly bad wow um I feel like i should write a separate thing for friend zones but whatever.