it's been a month since they broke up and she is getting worse. She feels so alone, she feels like her friends don't even want her around. She feels like a burden. It's hard for her to move on because not only did she lose him as a boyfriend but also as a friend. She misses being able to talk to him everyday. Sometimes she goes to tell him something that happened to her but she remembers he blocked her on snapchat and didn't answer her text. She wonders how he is, if he misses her.
She has been hanging out with people she shouldn't just to feel something. She has sold her body for a bottle of alcohol and a gram of weed. She craves the attention she gets from these guys but she wishes it was him who is calling her pretty. Their compliments mean nothing to her. She can't count how many times she has sat crying with a blade in her hand deciding if life is worth living.
She can't get over how easily he left. She doesn't understand how just four months ago they were falling asleep talking to each other and now she barely sleeps. Why did she let him become her happiness. How can she trust anyone again?
Loving someone who you think loves you back is the most devastating thing because you think that everything is fine, you are happy but then one day they stop pretending and everything is ripped from you, it fucking crushes you. She has this emptiness in her and she's afraid is can never be filled again. She feels pathetic that she hasn't gotten over him yet, she feels like a broken record but it's hard, so fucking hard. Her anxiety and depression have never been this bad.
So now she sits alone in her room pressing bottle of whiskey to her lips with tears running down her cheeks. She so badly wants to call him, to scream at him for leaving her. She is angry. She wants him to know how fucked up she is. She just wants to talk to him one last time because next week she leaves for college and she might never see him in person again. She picks up the razor blade and stares at it, she is weak. She blindly cuts her skin remembering all the sweet things he said to her. Maybe feeling like this is payback for every bad this she has done. Why would someone as terrible as her ever deserve to be happy?
It's hard to let go of someone who you shared so many memories with, because they were the best days of your life and you never want to forget them.
a/n i dont know what to do anymore i hate myself so much okay byees
all the love, mariah
YOU ARE READING
Pain H.S
Fanfiction"He's poisoning her. He's like a drug and she's addicted. He's ruining her from the inside out and she's letting him because, feeling something, even pain, is better than feeling nothing at all."
