Advice And Random Things I Write

A song ive written and a short story

So right now its 9:38pm (Sydney, Australia time), Saturday 26th of August 2017. I've been crying for the last hour and 20 minuits.

I just wrote this song a few minutes ago. It is explaining what i feel right now and why. Im going to see if my music teacher can help me find some piano chords for this song so i can perform it for my YouTube video.

Its called 'Just Let Me Go'.

☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤~

Verse 1:
You say im beautiful
You say im wanted
But deep inside, is that what you really mean
You say you love me
and that im needed
but i feel like its all a lie
All i feel is pain and agony without you
But with thoes words you say
I feel like your using me baby do you even understand

Bridge:
You promised me you will stay
You promised me you would never leave but baby this is what i feel.

Chorus:
I feel like your using me, using me, using me
Oh yeah Boy your just killing me
Just tell me thoes words and let this game be over with
Im not that kind of girl who should be played with
If you dont want me
Just let me go
Dont bother playing around anymore
Im done with your games
Im done with this life
You just need to let me go

But baby
Just rember that
You were my first love
And you always will be

Verse 2:
You think im lying when i say i love you
You think theres someone else
But honey i swear theres just only you and me
Your my first love
I love you with all my heart
I've written this song for you
Its all from the heart (you promised me you would stay)
Ohhhhhh baby do you even understand (you promised you would never leave)
Do you even understand how much pain i feel (but baby this is what i feel)

When ooh yeah

Chorus:
I feel like your using me, using me, using me
Oh yeah Boy your just killing me
Just tell me thoes words and let this game be over with
Im not that kind of girl who should be played with
If you dont want me
Just let me go
Dont bother playing around anymore
Im done with your games
Im done with this life
You just need to let me go

But baby
Just rember that
You were my first love
And you always will be
~

~☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤~☆~¤

So the song is to my boyfriend explaining that i feel like im being used and that i feel like he doesnt love me. Thats why ive been crying. I feel like he doesnt love me and that hes using me to get to one of my friends. Everytime i think of us breaking up my heart breaks and i cry all over again.

Is it bad to feel this way?

Ive been used pretty much throughout my primary school years and the start of my highschool life.
Obviously if hes doing this to me then im not good enough.
Like come on.
Who wouldn't do it.

Im fat,

ugly,

worthless,

Im a cutter,

ive got depression,

ive tried committing suicide 4 times in the last year & a half,

i fail school,

im stupid,

i know nothing,

i get bullied,

I havnt had more then 5 hours sleep in the last 4 months,

Ive tried starving myself,

Ive lied to my friends, boyfriend & family,

I was touched by an old crush,

Think about it whoevers reading this.

Its going to happen again and again.

So whats the point living?

Ive been used, lied to and bullied.

So honestly tell me the truth.

Do i stay to make others happy and be miserable?

Or do i leave forever and be happy?