Love....Such A Silly Game We Play

CHAPTER 19: So....What Now?

<<MEL>>

I wake up to dimmed lights and feeling a little bit cold.

I try and rub my eyes but soon look down and notice I can't move my wrists because I'm strapped down. As are my ankles too.

Unfortunately, I start getting flashbacks from the last time I was strapped down to a hospital bed. It was after I was taken to the hospital for trying to kill myself.

I then quickly notice the bandage that is wrapped around my left wrist. Shit! Did I seriously cut myself? I thought to myself. I hadn't done that in a long time.

As I started to look around the room, I noticed the door opening and saw my mom come in and sit in the chair next to my bed and grab my hand and squeeze it tightly. I can tell she's been crying.

"Mom?" I softly say with a bit hoarseness in my voice.

"Yes, Angel. I'm here." She says with a forced smile. Trying to hide the sadness she feels.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to try again." I began while trying to hold back my tears. But she cut me off.

"Shhhhh. Baby girl, it is not your fault. It's mine. After your father died I went back to work and I just tried so hard not to feel the pain I felt from losing your father. And I knew that we needed money, so I went back to work at the hospital. And I got so caught up in trying to not feel that pain from the loss of your father, but I didn't realize, that I was also not giving you the attention you needed. And I'm so sorry. Even when you tried to tell me about school and the bullying at first, I just thought that's part of school. But then after I found out how bad it really was, that's the first time I found you on the kitchen floor, with the knife and then the cuts on your wrist. Luckily, at the time they weren't as deep as this time's was. But still, I was terrified. Just as I have been all those other days and today." She says while tears roll down her face.

"It was never your fault mom. You lost someone you loved. You were hurting too." I cried. "And I just thought, with this last time, that maybe I could finally succeed and then I would see dad again. The pain would be taken away. But, now, seeing you like this, I just, I don't know. I just feel like out of all the other times, that right now, looking at you, and seeing the pain I have caused. I didn't realize I was doing that. And I'm so sorry mom. I love you." I start to cry out the last part.

"It's okay baby. It's okay. We will get you better. I promise! And besides, Sam says that he will help out in any way we need."

I look at her, suddenly realizing that she is back early. Oh my god, I ruined their vacation.

"Oh mom. I'm so sorry. I will make it up to you and Sam. I promise." I start telling her.

She shakes her head a little bit. "No sweetie. You don't need to do that. Because him and I care about you getting better and we love you."

I start to smile. "I like Sam. He's good for you mom. He makes you happy like dad did."

"Oh honey. I will always love your dad. No one can ever take his place." She assures me.

"I know. But mom, Sam loves you. And obviously I think he's cool and he seems to treat me like his daughter. So that makes me happy." I tell her with a smile.

"Thank you sweetie. I love you." She tells me.

"I love you too mom."

"Now, speaking of love." She says as she sniffs. "I know what happened between you and Anthony. And I think that you should forgive him. Baby girl, he brought you here and has been here by your side ever since. He's a good guy. And I know that, because I see the way he has looked at you. It's the same way your father and I looked at each other as well as the way Sam and I look at one another too." She tells me.