Chapter Twenty-One

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"Lease," Liam's voice whispered as laid a hand on my shoulder. "Wake up."

His voice was gentle, and it everything felt strangely calm as I opened my eyes. My body felt like lead, and it took all my strength to turn over and look at him. He was kneeling next to the mattress, looking at me with kind, sad eyes. He was shirtless, and I never realized how built he was with lean muscles and light indents of ab's. But I didn't pay much attention to that once I noticed his shoulder had a patch on it, and that he looked a little paler than usual. Other than that, though, he seemed okay. Well, okay as in alive. I don't think any of us felt okay on the inside right now. Not all of us were close with Lucy and Walter, but they were people, and they were part of us. I didn't know what to think of Walter and his words before I killed him yesterday, and I honestly didn't want to think about it right now. There were things to do, bodies to take care of.

"It's been over a week, the smell is getting bad out there," Liam said, suddenly looking away and avoiding me as if he had realized something. It was then I realized that I was only clad in my underwear, and that I had stripped my clothes before I passed out on the bed a couple days ago. I hadn't had the energy to get up and do anything. I just laid here, looking at the white ceiling, searching for something. Or maybe I wasn't searching for something, maybe I was just staring because I didn't know what else to do, and it was easier to just stare at the wall in this little room than go out there and deal with everything. But now, I had to try and pick up the pieces.

Before Liam could say another word, I got up. When I stood, I almost fell over, black spots clouding my vision. Liam stood up quickly and put his hand on my waist, steadying me so that I didn't fall. I looked at him as I felt his touch. We locked eyes for a second, and I wondered if he could tell I had changed. I wondered if he could feel how numb I had become.

I looked away before I could find out the answer to that. When I pulled away from him, he didn't reach for me again. He just let his hand fall to his side. I scanned the room until I found what I was looking for, which was one of his cleaner shirts on the floor. I picked it up and put it on. It was big on me and it went down to the tops of my thighs, so I took the ponytail from my wrist and-

I gasped as I looked at my arms. I never realized how brutal I had been when I tore off the duct tape. There was dried blood and parts of my skin were torn. My hands began to shake a little as I noticed how much blood and dirt was still on me. I felt like I was losing grip for a few seconds, but then Liam came up to me and held both of my wrists gently, so he didn't agitate any of the injuries, and stopped me from shaking.

"Let's get you in a shower, okay?" He asked me, "And then we'll clean up your arms."

I nodded as he led me out of the closet and over to the shower area. Once we were in there, he turned on the water and looked at me.

"I'll be right back," he said, "I'm going to go get a first aid kit."

I just nodded as he walked out the door. I stripped down everything I was wearing and dropped it onto the floor. I looked at the water, and took a few steps forward into it. The cold water stung, like a thousand tiny needles piercing my body, but it hurt more when it touched my wounds on my arm. I withstood the pain, gritting my teeth. When I thought about it, there was worse pain than this than I'd gone through. A cold shower was nothing.

I scrubbed the dried blood and filth off my face, and did my best to rinse out my hair. I picked up one of the few tiny shampoo bottles that Liam and I had picked up on our adventures through the building. I squeezed the bottle and poured the thick white liquid onto my hands, and then I moisturized it through my hair. The blood made my hair hard, but the water and shampoo softened it. It was like washing all the events that happened yesterday away, watching it go down the drain and into the dark oblivion, where it would lay. But some events stained my skin, burrowed under it, scaring my soul. That was the thing about life, there was just some things you just couldn't wash away.

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