Panic

~3~

"She can't stay! We're never going to be able to get on a boat with a civilian!"
"We're not going to be able to get into a boat anyway! Not until the navy send in those ships."
"We could try and find one of those refugee groups?"
"And get shot down by Germans? I don't think so."

Their arguing bugged me because I knew that if I could just make a choice, it would be so much easier. It wouldn't be that hard to just stand up and walk away, if it weren't for those two British boys.

The one who had been with my brother had always seemed kind, and the one I had saved from the ship seemed to have warmed up drastically since that incident. They wouldn't let me out of their sight. I didn't know why they were being so stupid! I was slowing them down from their escape, and I was sure they were starting to suspect I was french.

I knew backstories wouldn't matter once we were back in Britain and went our separate ways, or were shot down, but it wouldn't hurt to know their names.
"My name's Rosa." Everyone turned around to face me, realising I must have heard all their conversation, some of the soldiers didn't make eye contact. They all looked at me with a similar face of confusion. "My name's Rosa. Nothing short, nothing long. Just Rosa. I mean... If you're going to die you might at least know the names of the people you died with, or for." Some of them still looked confused but but an unexpected voice spoke up.

"She's right. My name's Sean." It was the Irish guy, the one who was currently head of the campaign to chuck me out.

"I'm Jack, pretty boring name I know." A blonde guy with an accent different to one I'd heard before spoke.

"Well I'm Alex." The boy who I'd saved.

"Harry."

"My name's Sam."

"I'm Tommy." The last name came from the British boy. For some reason I felt glad I could now put a face to the name. "And I think abandoning a member of our group would be a very stupid idea." No one sent any retorts this time. It was like having our names laid out in the table made everything closer to home.

I knew the discussion wasn't over, wouldn't be over until I was either dead or standing in Britain. But for now at least, I would remain alive.

***

I sat next to Tommy on the sand, the froth from the waves blowing around us like little clouds that had fallen out of the sky. Alex sat a little way to the side, pulling at a loose thread on his ragged sleeve. The rest of the group were lying asleep on the shore, a decent way away. The sun was slowly lowering towards the waiting sea, and an orange glow seemed to sugarcoat everything.

After a while, Alex left to go and sleep with the others and I was sat here all alone. Or with Tommy at least. I couldn't sleep, not tonight. Every time I blinked I saw Gibson smiling at me, laughing with me. I wanted to hold onto that memory forever, but at that moment it haunted me.

My gaze shifted over to a soldier. He had dropped his rifle and helmet, and didn't stop walking towards the ominous water as he unhooked a satchel from his shoulder. A few steps in, he dived forwards, engulfed by a wave for a few seconds before resurfacing and swimming in the direction of Britain.

I knew how he felt. Sometimes you just wanted to give up everything so you could try the last chance you had of bringing back anything.