This is not a fairytale-Sandersides

Chapter 2

Friendly reminder: This is not your personal vent blog. There's a person behind these stories that reads all your comments who such things can affect negatively. Hope you all are doing well and have a good day. Love, Roman

"I'm just saying that-"

"We can't afford to be negative in this conversation Anxiety."

Pieces of paper were lying everywhere around the living room and Thomas seemed to be having an argument with Joan whether or not to include a certain bit in the new video that could be seen on the small MacBook which was placed on the coffee table.

I had been trying to express my opinion but, as always, before I could even get past the fourth word Roman had cut me of telling me to 'keep my mouth shut.'
You won't be surprised to hear that I did not follow through with that.

"I'm just saying that if our followers-"

"You know what, I've had enough of your death glare for today. Just go to your room so we can actually do our jobs like we're supposed to. Please, and thank you."

The last bit was added after Patton glared at 'your highness' and mouthed the word 'polite.'

I decided that I could for once do as I was told and sunk back into the abyss to go to my room, or 'the mind palace' as mister extravaganza likes to call it. I normally would've stayed a little longer to see how the video turned out. This time was different though.
I could feel it coming and this time it got me good; My shaking hands I had hidden in my pockets while I was with the others now grabbed onto the soft material of the lilac couch which was placed in one corner of the room.

This wasn't good.

If I was having such an extreme attack at that very moment I wouldn't be able to take it on myself. 
Thomas had to join me this time.

Just as Roman is more creative, Patton is more loving and Logan is more.. well smarter than Thomas, I also have a way higher anxiety level. 
Every time I would have an attack I'd try to handle it myself, meaning Thomas wouldn't have one. 
But every so often I would have an anxiety attack I wouldn't be able to handle myself, meaning Thomas would get one too.

The attacks I got would be way more intense as the one he experienced, as I tried to take as much as I possibly could without destroying myself altogether so he wouldn't have to suffer.

This way I had slowly become stronger and stronger while at the same time getting broken over and over again and I was able to take most of the attacks without Thomas or the other sides noticing, but this time was different.

I let out a scream as I felt my knees give in. A stinging sensation, as if a million razor sharp swords had just been shot into my upper body.

The light in my room turned slightly red, meaning Thomas was having a breakdown. I could hear his sobs echo through my room, filling all of the leftover space and suffocating me with its noise.
Another shock. I screamed and curled up into a ball, hoping that the old routine would help to ease up the pain.
My eyes filled with tears as I realized it didn't.

Shock after shock wrecked my body and my screams corrupted the silence and the room was flooding with sobs and Joan's voice as they tried to calm their friend down.

The sobbing eventually stopped.

The shocks continued.

The room was incredibly dark and hot and cold at the same time and it felt as if I was drowning in the most mental way. My mind was flooding and my brain seemed to barely be able to hold its head above the surface. But it seemed tired and every moment now it could give up hope and let the water surround it and consume it.

A single tear rolled out of the corner of my eye as the door flew open and my mind gave up and let itself drown in the ocean of doubt and self-hate.