Doctor Who and Star-Lord Vol. 2

Peter's Ancestry and the Worst Name Ever

The ship then gently arrived at Ego's planet, passing through the atmosphere. Onboard the ship, Quill was listening to music on his Sony Walkman cassette player. 'We're almost there, Peter,' the Doctor said. Then a platform came out of the ship, containing Ego, Mantis, Peter, the Doctor, Gamora, Drax and the TARDIS on board. A beautiful world unlike anything they had ever seen was unveiled before them, with huge towers and mountains, waterfalls cascading, and many different types of plants and shrubbery, all of different colours. 'Welcome, everyone, to my world.' Ego said, opening his arms. 'Wow,' Quill said, 'you have your own planet?' 'No larger than your Earth's Moon.' Ego replied. 'Well, it does  impress me.' the Doctor said. 'Even though there's a pocket universe inside that box but we'll talk about it later.' 'Humility,' Drax said, 'I like it. I too am extrordinarily humble.' Gamora and Drax noticed bubbles flying in the air. Drax popped one, and it split into different coloured bubbles, amusing him. Peter and the Doctor were just staring at the beautiful surroundings of the planet. The platform then arrived at a huge palace, as it formed a bridge for everyone to walk across, as the TARDIS then slowly slid along the floor, guided by energy on the ground. 'You own a planet and can destroy two dozen spaceships without a suit.' Gamora said. 'What are you exactly?' 'I am what's called a Celestial, sweetheart.' Ego replied. 'A Celestial, like a god?' Peter said. 'Mmm, small "g", son.' Ego said, 'At least on the days I'm feeling humble as Drax.' Ego walked away. 'No way,' the Doctor said. 'You're half god, Peter,' Peter looked at the Doctor, with a bewildered expression on his face. They then entered the palace, filled with beautifully decorated ceilings, and oval shapes, which Ego used to tell the story of how he - and Peter - came to be. 'Woah,' Peter said. 'I don't know where I came from, exactly,' Ego began. 'First thing I remember is flickering, adrift in the cosmos utterly, and entirely alone. Over millions of years I learned to control the molecules around me. I grew smarter and stronger.' The visuals revealed that Ego's true form was actually the planet itself, not the man that was talking to the group. 'I continued building from there, layer by layer, the very planet you walk on now.' Ego said. 'Woah,' Peter replied. 'But I wanted more.' Ego continued, 'I desired meaning. "There must be some life out there in the universe, besides just me," I thought. And so, I set myself the task of finding it. I created what I imagined to be biological life, down to the most minute detail.' 'Did you make a penis?' Drax asked. 'Dude!' Peter replied. 'What is wrong with you?' Gamora said. 'That's disgusting!' the Doctor said. 'If he is a planet,' Drax asked, 'how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!' Quill rolled his eyes. 'I don't need to hear how my parents-' Quill said. 'Why?' Drax asked. 'My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.' 'That's disgusting.' Peter said. 'It was beautiful. You Earthers have hang ups.' Drax said. 'Oh and Doctor do you have a penis?' 'I'd rather not reveal right now!' the Doctor replied. 'Yes Drax, I got a penis.' Ego replied. 'Ha! Thank you!' Drax said. 'And it's not half bad.' Ego said. 'Only with you guys would I hear a man talking about his penis in front of his son.' the Doctor giggled. 'I've also got pain receptors, and a digestive system, and all the accompanying junk.' Ego said. 'I wanted to experience what it truly meant to be human, as I set out amongst the stars. Until I found what I sought. Life. I was not alone in the universe after all.'
'When did you meet my mother?' Peter asked. Ego turned toward him and smiled. 'Not long after,' he replied. The visuals now depicted Peter's parents embracing and kissing. 'It was with Meredith that I first experienced love,' Ego said, 'I called her my river lily. And from that love, Peter...you.' The visuals showed Meredith pregnant with her baby - Peter. Peter had a stunned expression on his face. 'I have searched for you for so long,' Ego said. 'And when I heard of a man from Earth, who held an Infinity Stone in his hand without dying, I knew you must be the son of the woman I loved.' 'If you loved her, why did you leave her?' Peter asked. Ego did not reply.

Meanwhile, aboard the Ravagers' flagship, Yondu loyalists were being executed, by being thrown into the vacuum of space. 'This is mutiny!' one yelled before he was executed. Groot was in a small cage, and Rocket, River and Yondu were tied up and strapped in chairs. Yondu was sitting there, depressed as some of his crew that he once loved were either being executed, or turned against him. The burnt man approached him. River looked at Yondu with sympathy. 'You're the one who killed those men,' the burnt man said, 'by leading them down the wrong path. Because you're weak.' He punched Yondu in the face, causing cheering from all the Ravagers. 'And stupid!' the burnt man said, before hitting Yondu again, drawing more cheers. Kraglin just remained silent. 'It's time for the Ravagers,' the burnt man said, 'to rise once again to glory, with a new captain - TASERFACE!' All the Ravagers cheered but Rocket just burst into laughter, whilst River tried to hold it in. 'I'm sorry,' Rocket laughed, 'your name is...Taserface?' 'That's right,' Taserface replied. 'Do you shoot tasers out of your face?' Rocket asked. 'It's metaphorical!' Taserface replied, drawing more cheers. 'For what?' Rocket asked. 'For it is a name that strikes fear into the hearts of anyone who hears it!' Taserface said. 'I think not,' River said. 'You clearly haven't heard of the man they call the Doctor, then. The Oncoming Storm. The Bringer of Darkness. The man who can turn a whole army away just at the mention of his name. Also, do you think I fear you? I've made a Dalek beg for mercy! The most feared creature in all the universe, and I made it feel fear.'  The Ravagers gasped in shock.
'Well, Dr Song,' Taserface said. 'The only one who will feel fear and be begging for mercy, will be you!' He hit River in the face, but she did not react. 'Ok then whatever you say,' Rocket said. 'Both of you shut up.' Taserface said, pulling out a knife. 'After Yondu, it'll be the rat, and then it will be you, Dr Song. Udonta, I have waited a long time to do...' Rocket began giggling again. 'What?' Taserface said. 'I'm sorry, I am so sorry!' Rocket laughed, 'I just keep imagining you wake up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror, and then in all seriousness saying to yourself "You know what would be a really kick ass name? Taserface!"'He was imitating Taserface's voice as he said this. The Ravagers were trying not to laugh and a smile grew on River's face. 'That's how I hear you in my head!' Rocket continued, 'What was your second choice? Scrotum Hat?' Then the whole room, including River burst into laughter, except for Yondu who was still depressed. 'New plan. We're killing you first!' Taserface said. 'No!' River said. 'Shut up!' Taserface replied. 'Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks Taserface is a cool name.' 'That's enough killing for today.' Nebula emerged as the Ravagers cowered in fear. 'She's the daughter of Thanos,' one muttered. 'I thought you were the biggest sadist in the galaxy,' Taserface said. 'That was when Daddy was paying my bills.' Nebula replied, 'The Priestess wants to kill the fox herself. And he has bounties on his head in at least 12 Kree and Dalek provinces. And she is serving time for a murder most foul - the Doctor's murder!' Everyone in the room gasped. Rocket looked towards River. 'She can't be serious,' Rocket said. Tears welled up in River's eyes. 'Yes, she's right.' River said. 'I assure you,' Nebula said, 'I am not as easy a mark as an old man without his magic stick, a crazy woodland beast, or a sassy archaeologist. I want 10% of the take, and a couple more things.'
In another room, Nebula was trying on a new cybernetic hand. 'We got a whole box of hands,' Kraglin said, 'if that one don't work out.' 'It's fine.' Nebula said. 'You think the Daleks will execute the captain?' Kraglin asked. 'The Daleks do not know mercy,' Nebula said, 'He will feel lots of pain, as he is exterminated by them.' Kraglin had a lump in his throat and chills went down his back - he still greatly feared the Daleks. 'Well, here it is.' Kraglin said, leading Nebula to a ship. 'It's the best ship we got. Location of Ego's planet in the nav. We'll wire you the 10% once we're paid. What are you gonna do with your share?' Nebula cleared her throat. 'As a child,' she began, 'my father would have Gamora and me battle one another in training. Every time my sister prevailed, my father would replace a piece of me with machinery, claiming he wanted me to be her equal. But she won, again and again and again, never once refraining. So after I murder my sister, I will buy a warship with every conceivable instrument of death. I will hunt my father like a dog, and I will tear him apart slowly, piece by piece, until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing pain I know every single day!'
Kraglin looked at Nebula unsettled. 'Yeah,' he said, 'I was talking about, like a pretty necklace. Or a nice hat. Something to make the other girls go, "Ooh, that's nice!" Anyway, happy trails.' Nebula then turned to the ship, and prepared to begin her journey.