Disappear {Sincerely, Me, Sequel}

{3}

I had stayed up all night hacking.

Hacking into what you might ask?

Hacking in Connor fucking Murphy's lap top.

Hell. Yes.

His parents kept it in his room. Literally nothing changed in that room. It all stayed the same. Except the door was always closed.

I guess it wasn't easy to hack into it from another computer but, hey. That's what I'm learning in college. To fucking hack.

But of course Evan didn't want to see what I found. Of course.

I guess I always was a little suspicious about his death. There's no way Connor Murphy would want to go out by drowning. I knew he'd want it to be big. Something tragic.

Drowning? Definitely wasn't on my list of: Top Ten Ways Connor Murphy Would Kill Himself.

Besides, drowning would be pretty hard since your body can't exactly drown. It won't let you. Well anyway, I had recovered some of his notes. They all were typed during Evan's coma for a month.

It was crazy. I read about half of his weird sex letters. Most of them were him talking about his life. But some actually talked about his thoughts.

Sweet Jesus I need to show Evan these.

That's when I had the brilliant thought of going to his work and sitting at one of his tables.

I spent 4 nights, staying up just to hack into a dead guy's computer. He better not turn this down.

I grab my backpack and shove my lap top in there, then sling it over my back. I'm about to walk out when I realize I'm only in boxers and a shirt. Well shit.

I quickly find a pair of jeans, kick off my shoes,  and put them on. Then I grab my shoes and put them on, not tying them.

Running out of the apartment building I quickly find my car and jump in. I start the car and pull out of the parking lot.

Yes I am well aware that his work is very close to our house but screw that shit I wanna drive.

I parked in their small parking lot and grab my keys and walk in. I instantly find Evan, talking with some guy in black. I walk over to one of his tables and sit. Casually, I looked over at him.

The guy in all black had shades on the top of his head. He also had a man bun. And he was wearing all black... ohhhhh.

Evan must've thought that was Connor. Awe poor baby.

I plug my computer into the wall so it could charge, then tap my fingers on the table, waiting for Evan to come.

Evan didn't come until that guy left the building. He walked over to me and let out a sigh.

"I thought it was him at first too." I mumble.

"He looked like him so much." Evan mumbles, leaning against the table slightly.

I look up at him, "You're boss won't mind if you sit here and read a few things right?"

Evan shrugs, "Not sure, but why not? He won't fire me, loves me too much." He smiles then sits down across me.

"Before we do anything. Promise me you're not going to run away from me. Promise that you will read this. Okay?" I say, looking at him.

He was confused but nodded, "Uh.. okay.."

I turn the computer around so it was facing him. The window I was on were a collection of Connor's sex notes. I had 3 marked. But was only on one letter.

Leaning back in my chair, I watch Evan's face as he reads them.

~~~

Jared spins his lap top around and I roll my eyes but look at the first thing it says.

September 27th 2017.

That was two years and a couple days ago. I continue to read.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is not good. Either were any days before that, but you already know that. It's been two weeks Evan.

Two fucking weeks.

When are you going to wake up?

I've been waiting way too long. What if you don't wake up? What will I do then?

Oh right.

Evan, I always have wanted to die. And you know that. Well at least I hope you do. Ok, I'm just going to assume you know this.

And yes, it's the middle of class when I'm writing this. Later I'll type it. Anyways.

To get my mind off of all the problems you're going through, I'll tell you what I've been thinking about.

If you were to die, (which apparently is highly possible, according to the doctors, don't ask, I eavesdropped), I would obviously kill myself to be with you. If you do end up reading these: Shut up Hansen you know it's true so back off, I'm trying to have a moment here.

I don't want to leave this world in a boring way.

I want people to remember my death for years.

Hell, I want people to wish they could've thought of my way to go.

So let's list out some things I would never do.

1. Stabbing my heart/slitting my wrists: Sure, you did find me passed out from blood loss, but I didn't mean to cut deep. I was actually scared I might die. Also, stabbing the heart is so boring, like totally 1900s right there. So no to both of those.

2. Drowning: Hell to the no. That terrifies me. Fun fact: I had a dream I was drowning, turned out I was suffocating in my pillow. So that's a no. Scares me too much and that's boring. Also, did you know that your body isn't capable of drowning? I mean, unless you somehow get trapped under ice, but still. You would pass out then your body would float to the surface and bam! You can breath again. So no, that's definitely not the way I want to go.

3. Pills: BORING! Everyone overdoses on pills these days. Besides that wouldn't be much fun. People will say: Oh yeah, remember Connor? Yeah that loser killed himself with pills, like boring! I mean everyone does that. So that's a no.

4. Shooting myself: Okay, first off, I don't have a gun and I'm not old enough to buy one. That might make you think: then how do you get drugs? Or, you're too young to get drunk or high, what? Well that can be a story for another time. Anyways, I'd never be able to get one, and again. Too boring.

5. Jumping off anything high: So unlike you Evan, I can't see this ever happening to me. I wouldn't like it. There would be those few seconds of you free falling, where you get to think. Why are you doing this? Was it worth it? What if I live? Then your whole life flashes before your eyes. See, I don't want this to happen to me. I don't want to remember the past. It's just full of regrets. So this one is a no.

That's all I could think of. I still don't know how I would want to go. Maybe some dramatic thing, like a framed murder or something. Ha, that would be funny.

So that's all for today I guess. I hope you wake up soon. Please Ev, I miss you.

I love you.

Sincerely, Me

~~~

~Fro