Her Assassin's Heart - Book 2

Chapter 4

          "I'm so sorry to intrude, but I was riding by and couldn't resist coming in to say hello." Benjamin's entire face seemed to be smiling with his lips. The expression seemed a little too enthusiastic, Cassandra thought, and she couldn't keep her mind from conjuring the image of a faithful hound dog.
"It's no intrusion, Benjamin." She smiled, forcing herself to think of something else. Like the way he was curling and uncurling the brim of his hat? "We were just about to have some tea." She turned to Lavinia, linking her arm with her sister's. "Would you like to join us?"
"Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of it. I don't want to make a nuisance of myself." He half chuckled, his gaze going to his hands. "I really just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't seen you since the Drummond Ball."
"My sister and brother-in-law have come for a visit, as you can see. I've been kept a little too busy to mix with society." Cassandra felt her heart throb slightly with the thought of the Drummond Ball. How was she to tell Benjamin that there was no chance of her ever loving him? How could she break his heart like that?
Benjamin laughed outright. "Too busy? You don't have to hide from me, Cassie. I know you simply don't want to make time to attend social gatherings."
"And why should I? The people are boorish and dull, and they can think of nothing but what's come to fashion lately. I wouldn't want to bore myself there, surrounded by such people, when I can do so equally as well here without all the fuss and bother." Cassandra smiled, and Ben laughed again, though there was some awkwardness behind the humor.
"I wonder what the great people of the ton would think to hear you speak of them like this." He shuffled slightly on his feet.
"Don't you think Lord Montague would be pleased?" Cassandra raised a brow. "Well, I have a few choice words for him, so I don't imagine he would be for long if he ever stooped so low as to show such a base emotion. Besides, I wouldn't care anyway. He's a horrid, old man with nothing but profit in mind. I shouldn't be at all surprised to hear he counts the cost of every spoonful of porridge his tenants consume and finds it too taxing."
Benjamin flashed a quick smile. "You'll never change, will you?"
"I don't see the point in it." She smiled. "Now, will you join us for tea or not?"
"Well, I—"
He was cut off as Ethan jogged up, his lips curving in a smile as he looked at his wife. "Tea is ready, and your father is hungry." The dark brow arching meaningfully. "We should hurry, or he'll ear all the biscuits without us." He wrapped an arm around Lavinia's waist without a thought for the stranger at hand.
Lavinia smiled. "In that case, we'd best be quick about it. He won't wait long. Will you be joining us, Mr. Morgan?" She turned to Benjamin, and there was a warm welcome in the depths of her eyes.
"Uh, no. I wouldn't like to intrude." Benjamin cleared his throat, turning to look at Cassandra. "I should like to see you again soon."
"Of course, you're always welcome." Cassandra smiled wider than she felt like doing. She wanted to get inside and drink her tea in peace, but the mannerisms that had been drilled into her from the time she was a little girl gave her considerable pause, and she spoke mechanically, all the while hoping Benjamin wouldn't find the time to come see her again for a long, long time. Not until he had found someone else to love, but that would never happen, and she knew it. Benjamin Morgan was the steady, loyal type. The type that would love so fully and deeply that it would consume him, and he would never stop hoping to win her until she did something unforgivable even to him or chose someone else.
"Thank you." He smiled warmly at the three of them, but she could see that his eyes never left her. Bowing low, he mounted and rode off, waving as he went.
"I never knew the Morgans had an agreeable bone among them." Ethan commented dryly.
"Ben was always more civil than the others." Lavinia agreed.
Heaving a growling sigh, Cassandra turned toward the house with a quick, determined step. She didn't want to hear about how kind Ben had always been. She'd struggled to get it out of her head since his declaration at the ball.
"Cassie, is the world coming to an end?" She turned the face her sister at the words without slackening her pace.
"What do you mean?" She spoke quickly, and there was more heat in her voice than she had intended.
"You're frowning as though the sky had suddenly gone dark." Lavinia smiled.
"I like darkness." Cassandra's frown deepened. No doubt, Lavinia was getting the wrong idea, thinking that she was desperately in love with Benjamin and only perturbed because he had refused to join them for tea.
The realization added length to her steps, and she was fairly running by the time she reached the door. What was so terribly bad about the idea of being in love with Ben? Why did it disgust her so? As soon as the questions entered her mind, she thought of a thousand answers. He wasn't right. There was nothing more than friendship between them and never could be. When she thought of him, there wasn't anything drastically different in her mind than when she thought of Ethan.
If love had to be forced, it wasn't real love at all, she told herself, gritting her teeth against the pity that rose in her heart when she thought of Ben. She had to tell him, she realized, and determination flooded her heart. The next time she saw him, she would tell him that she could never love him the way he wanted.
She nodded curtly to herself, beginning to form an idea of what she would say. . .but how would she face him after that? How could she? It wasn't in her to bear looking upon his forlorn, hopeless features. He was one of the only friends from before who still deigned to speak to her, one of the only people who still held her in a friendly light—well, except for those who were a little too friendly, she thought to herself with a half shudder. Clutching the handle of the letter-opener she had made a habit to carry, she wetted her lips. Without Ben, the only person she could still speak to was her father.
Still, her own personal feelings couldn't stop her from doing what must be done. Ben must find time to be free of her before another, better girl came his way. And so, she would tell him, even if she already missed the thought of him as her friend. Could that mean something? She wondered as she entered the drawing room. Could she really be falling for Benjamin? She considered the thought for a long moment. No, she decided, adding a quick splash of cream to her tea, if it were love, she wouldn't be so practical minded about it. There would be something more. A thrill, an uncertainty. There would be more than simply missing a friend. It would be more concentrated and hurt more than it did.
"How's my Cassie?" The rumble of her father's voice startled her out of her thoughts.
"Alive." She responded dryly, sipping her tea and relishing it soothing warmth.
"Alive enough to get me through the gauntlet of parties your mother has planned for after your sister has made good her departure." There was not a little envy in his voice.
"Oh, Papa, you know I would be happy to stay here and help you, but I doubt our presence would make anything better." Lavinia smiled, her eyes darting to her husband for a loving moment. "Everything's still too fresh."
"Too fresh!" Ezra scoffed. "London society needs a good shaking up once in awhile. They may not ever say it, but they really admire you somewhere deep inside. You had the courage to do what you wanted, to step outside the box, while the rest of us just sit here doing what propriety dictates."
"And yet, that doesn't stop them from ostracizing us." Cassandra glowered with a heavy sigh. She was in no mood for socializing and wished she could slip off and have her tea on her own. She needed time to clear her head.
"Benjamin doesn't seem to feel the same way." Lavinia teased with a knowing smile.
"He can feel whatever way he likes." Cassandra retorted sharper than she'd meant. No, that wasn't right. He couldn't feel more than friendship for her, but he hadn't seemed over-eager to ask her opinion on it in the first place. Lavinia raised a brow, and there was an unmistakable question in her eyes. Quickly downing the last of her tea—and burning her tongue and the roof of her mouth in the process—Cassandra rose.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Her father asked.
She shot him a quick smile. "Perfectly. I just remembered that Mamma wanted the carpets in the upper bedrooms cleaned, and I'm not sure the servants were told, so if you will excuse me." Without waiting for a response, she left the room.
Her elegant walking turned to a run as she reached the stairs. The situation around her was feeling increasingly stifling, and as its arms closed around her, she wanted nothing more than to kick free. Grinding her teeth together, she flung open her bedroom door. She wasn't going to just lie down and take it from them. That had never been her way, and God help her, she wasn't going to form a new habit now. Not for all the doe-eyed gentlemen in the world!

Yes, yes, I know this is frightfully overdue, and I'm incredibly sorry, but my creative juices ran a bit dry, and I went trough an extensive period of recharging before I got this out. I'm not even sure if it's worth anything, but hey, at least it's something, right? I'm gonna try to be more regular with posting stuff from now on. At least every week (if not twice ;)...what can I say, inspiration is striking...). Be on the lookout for more soon!

Oh! Yes! I almost forgot! I decided against writing out Ethan's accent. Y'all can imagine it better if I don't. Writing accents usually isn't too difficult for me, but for some reason his was coming out sounding SUPER forced... I don't know.