Unsaid Feelings

Unsaid Feeling #30

An open-letter to those who broke my heart, breaking my heart, and will break my heart;

I know I might not be enough as a person, for I contradict your ideal partner or your ideal friend.

It's a difficult game we have to play to survive this apocalyptic world and for that reason I am not the person you see or you've seen. I for one reason shielded my true self from this demonic universe, I would be breaking if I wasn't in these layers of ruthless armors. But if you've seen my naked soul with my heart out on my hand as my offering to you, why didn't you accept me? Instead you broke me. I trusted you, enough to show my true form.

Did I scare you away? Or did you just fell inlove with the person you saw which wasn't I? I was and still am vulnerable under this perfect shell, I am flawed yet people never saw the real ones they should worry about.

Flaws are disastrous, they can take all your dignity away with them. For this reason it makes me think is that why you ran away, smashing my fragile crystal heart on the ground? You couldn't handle the truth, you couldn't handle my flaw, you wanted to stay in your pretty little perfect bubble. For those reasons I loathe you, you are a coward, and you are a liar.

You said you loved me and that you wouldn't leave me, yet you walked away my life breaking the door on your way out. The walls I've slowly built up crumbled in flames and it's your fault. You showed no remorse you are a coward.

But who am I to say that? I am a coward too, I hid from everything. Maybe I deserve this, for being a liar. I was just scared of all the possibilities but in this situation I've made it harder on myself.

I am a coward and a liar, and for that I despise and blame myself more than I do to those who broke me and will break me.

If you're reading this, stay with me will you?

Have mercy for I have suffered on my own mind and I still continue to suffer by these thoughts.

I can't love myself on my own simply because I don't know how.

Help me.

I was broken, not by boys but my best friends, family and myself. This isn't fantasy, this is a world where you have to keep on breathing even when you're already in the deepest part of the ocean. You have to swim up and keep on living. You have to keep on Surviving.