Three Is A Crowd

Chapter 20: Messy

A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long... This chapter was hard to write, not because it's emotional or anything, but because I got to a point where I was questioning myself whether I should continue writing TIAC (or if I'm capable of finishing it). So yeah it's been a struggle. Anyway, here's chapter 20...

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So maybe Lauren could have done certain things differently, that's for sure. In hindsight, she knows she could have made a better choice, the right one. Maybe she should have stayed and proved her worth to Camila, and show her she's better than Scrawn or whatever the fuck his name is, Lauren can't seem to recall.

Maybe there's no reason for her to be threatened, maybe there's no need for her to hate on the guy or assume they're getting back together. Maybe he's just visiting as a friend, maybe he just wanted his butt plug back.

But who really knows what the right choice is in this world where everything doesn't make sense and everything is chaotic and everything is just a result of things haphazardly colliding with a big explosive bang? Who knows, maybe whatever choice you make, whether you walk the less travelled road or not, you'd still end up with the same result. Whether you choose a or b or c, you'd still get x.

And even if that's a load of bullshit, even if one choice makes an entire difference, Lauren, at that moment, doesn't care. For her, the right choice is based on what she's currently feeling. And what she's currently feeling is annoyed and defensive. Her ego is bruised, and while she knows that Camila has done nothing wrong and that she may very well be overreacting, Lauren doesn't care.

Lauren is like a toddler, possessive of her toys and generally fueled by her desires; any threat to whatever she currently fancies, she bristles like a dog protecting its bone. But while that will usually make her fight for her "toy", don't forget that Lauren is also vain and with repressed self-esteem issues. So that complicates her wiring, it makes her even more confusing. Because on top of her possessive territorial streak, her insecurities, vanity, and selfishness will also make her question whether she deserves something good or not. It makes her retreat like an injured dog licking its wounds, embarrassed by her hurt ego, and ready to lash out defensively at anything just to prove that her pride is intact -- all for the sake of vanity.

Yeah, she's a bit of a mess inside, and she admits that she's truly hard to handle, she can be too cruel at times to mask her insecurities, and most people run away at the sight of that monster inside her, and if she's being honest, Lauren is used to it, and she expects nothing less, really. She'll be more surprised if a person stays beside her, despite all of her issues. She's not proud of it, and it's not like she doesn't try to become a better person, but, most of the time, she easily succumbs to her flaws despite being aware that she might be doing things a little bit wrong. She fully believes she's a weak coward.

Still, Lauren doesn't really care at this moment whether she's making the right choice or not, because what she's hearing the loudest inside her mind is her vain self reminding her that the very reason she builds her walls is to avoid getting hurt. And to egotistical people like Lauren, the littlest hint of rejection could send them into a frenzy of pettiness and pity party, while acting like they don't give a shit about it.

And in Lauren's eyes, that's what happened just minutes ago, when Scrawn came a-knocking at their door, with that stupid smile and his stupid curly hair and his icky pasty-looking skin, and Camila jumping on him like a thirsty ass ho begging for a dick. Lauren felt like she's nothing but a discarded toy - unwelcome and unwanted - and since the better choice has come back for her, Camila has no use for Lauren, especially when she isn't even sure that Camila likes her back. And she'll never know, because today is supposed to be their first date where she could find out if she has a chance, but now, it's definitely not happening.