Pine Tree In Wonderland (Gravity Falls)

Chapter 5, Tea Me, Bitch!

Feet started smashing down the table, big black boots smushing the junk food scattering the white cloth. He looked me up and down with a huge smile on his face, amber eye sinking into my flesh. He grabbed a hold of my arm and tugged me along with him, back onto the table with a stomp, my feet dragging behind me and getting full of tea and sugar and cake. Bill trotted away to his seat as the rabbit laughed along with Sock at the weird things Bill was doing.

"You are soooooo late for tea, Dipper" Bill said, placing me on a chair right beside him, "naughty", he continued, booping my nose with his index finger.

"Wrong! Gideon brought us the wrong Mason! I heard that Soos said he wasn't!" The rabbit boy with purple skin yelled, why the fuck was everyone saying this? It annoyed the good hell out of me.

"Calm down Tom, it most certainly is Dipper," Bill smiled at me "Mason, Dipper or Pine Tree, I'd know her anywhere" another roaring laugh at something that just seemed like rambles of madness. Bill's hair was slightly messy and his fingers were dirty, with a thimble on his pinky and a couple of bandages on his other fingers, but his suit made him look so formal, so nice.

"Now, now we must talk about the slaying because you know yeah boi's gotta kill the jabberwocky " Bill announced and I held a giggle in. I slay all day bitch.

"Have you any idea why a dove is like a computer desk?" Bill asked me randomly. It didn't seem to make much sense. Before I could answer Bill said something else. I couldn't tell what it was it sounded like gibberish in a demonic voice.

"What now?" I asked, it was Sock sitting at the end of the table who gave me the answer.

"Down with the bloody red head. The bloody red head is the red queen" I went to go ask who that was but again I was cut off. But it was by Bill this time and honestly he could cut me off if he wanted. He was the only one calling me Dipper after all.

"Yes yes what a loser she is, but when a champion rises up to kill the jabberwocky, everything will be better," Bill pulled an iPhone out from his pocket and started at the time. "I've been waiting".

"It's w-working again!" Tom - the weird bunny devil crossbreed - replied, pulling a Samsung Galaxy phone out of his cup of tea and looking at the time even though the screen appeared black and it was sparking with various cracks on it. They all laughed again.

"All this talk of blood and slaying really put me off my... tea... you know how I get around that stuff Bill." Sock sighed, his hands in his lap. I turned to Bill and his face was anything but please. Tom let out a very low Ooo noise and looked down at his cup of tea. Bill stood up, shoving the table a bit.

"The whole world is going to shit, and poor Sock is a 16 year old horn bag that just wants to pork everything at the thought of blood..." Bill spoke, in a slightly evil voice. Sock swayed his tail side to side and slid his finger around the top of the tea cup, flicking imaginary dust off of it.

"What happened that day wasn't my fault, or my dicks fault" Sock laughed at the end, but Bill did not. Bill went off, his visible eye turned red, he began rambling, screaming, yelling, freaking out on Sock about how he ran away to save himself and left everyone else in a shit storm.

"Bill!" Yelled Tom, trying to get him to come back to earth. Bill stopped talking and cleared his throat, blinking a couple of times, his eye returning to its regular state.

"I'm fine" he said, Sock laughed and took a sip of his tea.

"Meow" he spoke, eyebrows raised. Bill cleared his throat and pointed at Sock, nodding again.

"I'm fine" he repeated, then came back to sit down beside me. I didn't really know what to make of these exchanges. My only conclusion was that they were all bat shut crazy. I started sipping my tea as Sock sighed and smiled that weird smile again.