hereafter, hereafter

golden girl

dedicated to jenny because jen you're like, the best. ever. i value your friendship so much. i'm glad you wandered over onto this page that one time during the summer because without you doing that i'd probably keep to myself and only communicate with kelsi. otherwise, i'm awaiting your writing patiently. good luck with your exams. c: 

credit for the following passage goes to user enobaria, kelsi. she has given me permisson to post this and i appreciate that a lot. 

"i passed a boy on the street today. 

this boy, i've seen him before. many times. too many times. 

 the first time i saw, i remember the sharp intake of breath that caused me to choke on words and stumble into my friends when our eyes locked. 

my fascination towards him was nothing but that of which one has when you briefly fall in love. you see someone on the street and for a moment, their sheer attractiveness compels to you create the 'what if' scenario that i have a tendency of doing. 

i'll be in school, and there he'll be, walking through a crowded fast-paced hallway with his head hanging and his hair tied back. i remember that feeling of curiosity as his clothing choices reminded me of my own, in that time of the year when i was in this really deep rut that kept me in long, dark and sheer pieces. 

i saw this in him too. the hanging of his head, the blast of his earbuds, the head-to-toe black and closed-off stance. on occasion i'd tilt my head and wonder, 'is this boy feeling what i feel?' because god knows i don't want that for anyone. 

but today, he was in colors brighter than any other i have ever seen him in. his hair was pushed back and his chest was laid bare and exposed in the sun. his eyes, brown like my own, found that same sun and gleamed the prettiest shade of brown i've ever seen face-to-face. 

i froze a step ahead of him and i heard him freeze a step behind me at the same time. i wondered to myself, 'did he see that same thing in me i saw in him?' 

from the corner of my eyes, i saw him turning his head slowly. and you know, i considered saying something. complimenting his hair, his clothes, mentioning that i too own a misfits bracelet. 

but instead i felt myself choking up in those small seconds that lasted between us. and forcibly, i pushed off and away, away from him before interaction could be made. 

i pray to meet him again. i don't have a choice, to be honest. i see him every day in and out of school. but i await that exchange of words that could, possibly, establish a friendship i long for in this really weird way." 

( i envy this boy. he meets your eyes more times than mine ever will and that kind of sort of kills me inside. )