An Honest Thought

Eli

(freeverse)

I write Eli on my wrist like

a whisper through a storm

as I try to erase Gabbie from my vocabulary

a year ago, i would have done the opposite

choosing to deny and erase this figment of me

that felt more comfortable than Gabbie ever did

Can I tell you what it's like to want

to disappear because you don't know

who you are supposed to be

I'm supposed to be me, aren't I?

but you stripped me of that choice once

so I'll never let you control me again

I hope you can love Elijah as much as

Gabbie because this is me and she never was.

I was never the heavy chested girly girl

that you destined me to be

and I get it that you don't understand

but I do and shouldn't that be enough?

I never really liked this identity but I

tried my best to play the part of her

because wanting to exist in another body

wasn't an option you wanted.

I get that you might kick me out for this but

Hi, my name is Eli.