An Honest Thought

The Counselor Calls It Anxiety Attacks

It starts out small

I do something wrong

make a fool of myself

feel like I no longer belong

Then i'm in tears

my eyes puffy and red

i'm rocking, feeling so small

wishing I could just be dead

No one knows this happens

I'm all alone in this room

This is not an anxiety attack

this is only before darkness consumes

Seconds later, I can't breath

I am holding on to nothing

My whole life is slipping away

I will never be anything

I am dying

I don't belong alive

no one sees this

the dark has just arrived

it is twenty minutes later 

I am still dying 

the counselor doesn't see this

no one will see hope bursting

I am about to explode

I try to catch my breath

I fall asleep standing up

closer than ever to death

no one sees this

I don't call it anxiety

the counselor thinks it is but

I don't think the name fits clearly