The Summer Of Us (Summer I Turned Pretty FanFiction)

Chapter Five: Jeremiah

Jeremiah's POV:

I woke to the sounds of several thunderous bangs followed by a loud slam of a door. I looked around- my vision blurry, focusing in and out as if the room had been spinning. It took me a couple of seconds to realize I was at the beach house, immediately I felt sick. Luckily there was a bucket next to me.

The beach house was always my favourite place to be but not anymore. What once held memories of laughter and joy now held tainted memories of her. I promised myself I wouldn't think of her, the good or bad, as if one would cross out the other. It didn't matter- they both hurt equally. I guess that's like any breakup though; except magnified due to the fact that I've known Belly since literally forever. That's a lot of forgetting your brain has to do. It's hard to get over someone when you have to see them all the time; to hear about how they're doing. As much as I didn't want to listen; I simultaneously couldn't help listening. And the fact she was married to my brother certainly didn't mend anything. For a long period after we broke up all I wished for was a second chance. I wished she loved me the way I loved her- that we could have what she and Con had. But most of all-  I just plain and simply missed her; the way she made me feel, the way I could make her laugh. I missed her laugh.

When I saw her the first time since our almost wedding it was like getting hit by a twenty-foot wave of every possible feeling. All I wanted to do was grab her and kiss her; a long tender kiss full of passion and longing. I wondered if it would magically erase all that was and perhaps be enough for her to say she loved me too. The idea was far fetched, I know.

...

FLASHBACK (Jeremiah):

It was a few months after Belly had gone to Spain. Laurel had told me earlier in the week that she was flying back for a weekend- the anticipation was just killing me. Con was still caught up in California finishing up mid-semester assignments. He said he intended on moving back to Boston for med school next year; saying he was sick of the long commutes back home. To be honest I didn't care what he did- it's not like we were close- I had my own life apart from my brother. I had emailed Belly a few times since; all kinds of surface-level stuff. I knew I wanted to see her again;  if only to see how she was. And as bad as it sounds to show her I was okay without her- even if I wasn't.

"So what's the deal, you guys cool?" he asked while I rolled down the window trying to get some air into the almost non-moving vehicle. Steven was always the slowest driver of all of us, and everybody knew it. Whenever we had to go somewhere; Con or I would volunteer to drive. We said it was because our mom insisted on paying for the gas, which she did, but really it was because we wanted to get there the same day. Today though I didn't mind; it would give me time to think. To somehow put into words all that I had been feeling.

"Yeah I think so", I reassured him; I even smiled. Even though I myself had no idea.

She came down the escalator with her baby blue carry on trailing it behind her; I think my mother bought her that. I waved and she waved back shyly; I could tell she was surprised to see me. I hugged her wrapping my arms around her waist; I felt her hands press tightly against my back. I let go could see her mind turning as if she was telling herself to smile back. She gave me a bittersweet smile and turned to hug her brother then grabbing her suitcase in her other hand. Steven opened the back seat and began carefully rearranging the junk before throwing Belly's stuff on top of the pile of gym equipment and empty water bottles. Belly and I leaned up against his truck; our legs nearly touching waiting for Steven to unlock the door.

"Nice hair, it's pretty short... I mean it's pretty...and short",  I stumbled over my words breaking the silence; watching Belly fidgeting with strings of her hoodie pulling them back and forth.

"Thanks", she said reaching for her newly cut locks, "I just wanted a change you know".

I did know; maybe all too well. The amazing thing about the beach house is that it didn't change. It was founded on a million memories, memories that were even older than us. The beach house was bigger than simply Con, Belly, Steven, and I. It was my mom... and Laurel... and family. It still looks and feels the way mom left it. That's what made it so special;  like it was always there waiting for us to return.

Steven pulled up at the college parking lot. Belly wanted to see Anika and Taylor, catch them before they left for "reading" week. Something our school always did around mid-October- kind of like a spring break in fall; basically I chance to catch up on sleep. Belly and I headed towards the dorms while Steven went and bought a parking pass.

"I haven't been here in a while," she said. Neither had I, as soon as I got back from Cousins that summer after Belly and I broke up, I moved into a student house with a few of us frats. Actually, it was one of the apartments Belly and I had been looking at together back went we were a couple but I didn't tell her that in my e-mails. I merely responded, "Yeah, neither have I."

"Too bad I'm only here for the weekend; it would've been nice to go to Cousins. It feels like I'm missing out." The tone on the entire conversation was quite subdued; the beach house was always our mutual bond. It always felt safe to talk about even when my mother died. There was so much I wanted to tell her. All these thoughts weighing my mind; like your heart begging to be noticed. Pleading- remember me?

"Don't worry you're not missing out on much; no one really went much last year. Me, busy with school, my dad working and stuff". I paused, "...Con's still studying in California." She didn't even look up; not making any reaction- I didn't know whether to take that as good sign or bad.

"Yeah I haven't talked to him at all; I'd have nothing really to say." She said looking down at her feet, not making eye contact. So they hadn't talked.

"Same". The awkwardness was killing me. This was us for goodness sakes, "sorry", I added underneath my breath.

"For what?" she asked, still walking in parallel strides just a little in front of me.

"For bringing it up". By it, I meant him. With a short pace, she stopped and turned her head back in a slight gesture. I stopped too. "He's your brother- you can say whatever you want". Yeah right, I thought. Conrad maybe my brother but he was also my ex-fiance's ex-boyfriend whom she still had feelings for. I knew that this was wrong now; me liking her... but it all somehow felt justified;  like how Conrad had wronged me first. All one giant complicated messy web of emotions that we were all tangled in.

...