Medicine - Sander-Sides

4; Lost Forever.

    I that am lost, Oh who will find me? Deep down below, the old beech tree. 

  Thomas managed to stand there for only a couple of seconds, but as he took in the surroundings, He came to a sudden realization that all of this, is completely unnecessary. The broken glass that littered the floor of the cold tile bathroom, it didn't seem to matter to him any longer. Nothing mattered, he didn't matter, No one else around him mattered, none of his accomplishments mattered, none of the grief and pain mattered, because this was all the inevitable, this was supposed to happen, this is how it was supposed to turn out because his life is fucking predictable and boring. Everything they went through, Everything he went through, it didn't matter. We all end up some way or another, that's just how it is.

Help succor me, now the east winds blow, Sixteen by six, brother and under we go.

   He desperately wanted to be older, He wanted to be stronger, He didn't wanna fall at the start of everything. He's always quick to be in trouble but never fast enough to get away. He always fell through holes, deep, scary, inevitable holes and yet there are people around him who never be able to see it, unable to experience his internal battle, so is it all worth it, its his own fault for feeling like this. 

Be not afraid to walk in the shade, save one, save all -- Come try. 

    He picked up the glass in the sink, his movements robotic and slow, unsure. Very unsure, he wasn't used to being unsure . . . but he longed for a new emotion, something else to distract his mind from the ebbing anger that bubbled under his chest. The glass felt hot in a way, it was almost like his anger had traveled through the mirror and the after effects had set in. His hand was numb, but it was starting to throb underneath the red skin. He held the large piece of glass firmly, too tight, but he didn't care. He liked it, the pain was like a nuisance to him, something he needed now to keep himself righteous. 

My steps-- five by seven, Life is closer to heaven. 

   He looked down at his arms and thought to himself, 'Will this benefit me in any way?' Of course not, He knew that this was wrong, and if he were in his right mind he would know to put down the glass and apologize for making such a scene but there was a big sense of freedom, he wanted to break, he knew he would eventually. He would describe it as, himself being a volcano, no one exactly knew when it was going to erupt but they knew that it would soon enough. So he proceeded to glide the glass across his forearm, and he hummed in satisfaction, the pain becoming comforting in his mind, it was the only thing he could really hold onto. 

Look down with dark gaze form on high, Without your love, He'll be gone before. 

   Line, after line, of beaded, crimson blood covered the entirety of his arms. He started slow, cautious of the slight sting but soon quickened his pace, swiping violently at his aching arm, he craved it, like an itch, after every line there was a new spot that wanted attention, like a nagging form of mosquito bite, even though it hurts, it itches like hell. 

Save pity for strangers, show love the door. 

   He distinctively heard banging on the door but he didn't seem to be here, his mind was somewhere else, Locked in some internal cage, one he didn't fight against. The door busted open but he didn't look up, shakily and fast, kept swiping at his arm, like no one were there. It was just him and the pain, the searing pain he felt all over his body now, in his chest, on his arms, his fists, everything hurt. 

My soul seeks the shade of my willow's bloom, Inside, Brother mine, Let death make a room. 

"Thomas! Dear god!" He only continued with his method of complete destruction. He suddenly felt someone grab his arms, halting him to a complete stop but his only reflex was to scream out against the person, and thrash uncontrollably. They held his arms firmly but he threw his head back and yelled. "No! Let me go! L-let me go! Stop it!" His breathing accelerated quickly, throwing him off balance as the room became fuzzy. He ended up hitting something, the sink most likely and more cuts formed, deeper now, unintentionally so. 

Before he was gone, right back on my hill, Oh who will find him, Why nobody will. 

   The people around him were trying to get him to stop but they only made things worse, scaring him more. Joan and Terrence were desperately trying to get him to calm down, and figure things out. Roman and Logan hid, with Patton in Logan's arms. Virgil seemed nonchalant, like he expected all this, but he couldn't completely hide his own anxiousness. 

"Logan, we have to get him to stop, he's hurting himself--" Roman was cut off by Patton's loud scream. It made Logan drop the man in horror, he seriously wasn't expecting things to get even worse at this point. Patton was crying now, the pain becoming unbearable. He's never experienced anything like this before. 

"W-we have to-" Patton sobbed but continued to speak, even though it looked like it could kill him. "--shut it down, Logan. Shut it down, now." 

"But we can't get in, he's blocked us out." Logan's voice shook but Roman knew what needed to be done, even though it could potentially be dangerous, he needed to do this for Patton. After all, he is a Prince. He attempted to go back in, willing himself to just ease his way in and . . . it seemingly worked. Roman popped back into the Mind Palace, but everything was all wrong, twisted and broken, everything was thrown around and messy, like the room had an earth quake. 

   Roman shook his head, and ran up the steps and into the control room, He ran to it, conflicted as to which one he should pull. There were three emergency buttons. Coma, Faint, and Completely pass out. That seemed like the more suitable option in this matter. But suddenly, there was violent screeches coming from downstairs and it sounded like another intense ripple was going through the palace. He accidentally hit something and turned around, holding onto the wall for support. He looked at what he hit and his eyes widened as he realized that he pushed faint, instead of pass out. He honestly didn't exactly understand the difference. He felt a sense of calm come over him when he felt everything become quiet again. Why the hell did he even try with these kind of things . . . ?

Doom shall I bring to him, I that am queen, Lost Forever, nine by nineteen. 

If you watch Sherlock (BBC) you know exactly where that comes from. 

Credit; euros' song.