Forget Me Not - A Phanfiction

Chapter 14

And here we are... The final chapter.

Thank you for making it this far! I hope you enjoyed the ride. 

Unfortunately, I will not be continuing this story.I'm not a fan of sequels. However, if anyone wants to write one, feel free!

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Dan

I close my eyes as Phil envelops me in his arms. I can tell he's nervous, the way he holds me gingerly, but his kisses are full of confidence, even if he doesn't realize it. I wiggle around in his grasp and look towards the clock. It's not quite ten, but I can tell he's already exhausted. His fingers trail up and down my arms, despite the fact that I'd like nothing more than for him to take me in his bed, I know that won't be happening tonight.

I settle back down and rest my head on his chest, reveling in the feel of his hand now stroking my back.

Over the months I've learned when to give him a little nudge and when to hold off. Some nights I don't get any further than his door, while other nights end in a sweaty, tangled mess on his bed. I'm just thankful when a night doesn't end in his crying, begging me to explain things to him... again.

It was clear a while back that telling Phil what happened with each new day just caused us both heartaches. His doctors are adamant that I only explain things to him if he asks. Otherwise, they have no objections to me seeing him. I've come up with my own ways of getting through to him, of sharing moments that were special to us, without pushing him to try and remember.

Sleep doesn't come easy for Phil. I can feel his body tense and release a few times until he eventually relaxes and his breathing evens out. His chest rises and falls below me in a steady rhythm, and I know he's finally asleep. When I know he won't wake up, I shift slowly so I can see him, his face illuminated from he glow of the moon outside. I'll need to remember to close his shade before I leave.

For now, I look over his face and admire how peaceful and content he looks. I want to trace his features, wondering, as always, if tonight is the last time we'll be like this.

It's always a waiting game. Will I wake up tomorrow completely spent and drained, unable to keep this up anymore? Will I find a different Phil the next day, one who wants nothing to do with me?

These are the questions that plague my mind, not allowing me to sleep, until I notice that the clock's glaring numbers tell me it's already two in the morning. I know it's fruitless to worry over this anyway, like I would even choose to stop doing this. I have a few more hours with him pressed up against me, and I soak it all in, trying to allow my body to rest in the meantime. Finally the clock silently screams at me that it's three o'clock, and I know I need to leave and get some real rest.

But it's so fucking hard.

It's hard to leave my husband each night I'm lucky enough to find myself back in his bed.

It's so hard to wonder if he'll bother to seek me out the next day.

It's so damn hard to wonder how long I'll actually allow myself to live like this.

I gently move Phil's arm off me and wiggle out of his grasp. He snorts and stirs but then settles back down to sleep, clutching the pillow i slept on. I crouch down so I'm at his level, even though he can't see or hear me at the moment. Who knows? Maybe my words seep into his subconscious as he sleeps.

"Phil...it's me Dan," I start, and my nose stings as the tears start once again. "I.... I just wanted to thank you for today.When we had dessert together it reminded me of our first dates together. Do you remember?"

I shake my head. Of course he doesn't.

"You wouldn't tell me where you were taking me, and of course, I easily fell in love with the mystery of it all. We ended up in some abandoned green house. You set up a small table with a little picnic on it. It was perfect. Today was perfect in it's own way, too, I suppose. I only had one small melt down, so that's good, right?

I pause and take a deep breath. Saying goodbye is always the hardest part.

"Hopefully I'll see you later today. I'm not sure how, but you always end up at the cafe. The doctors arent even sure either, but you keep coming back. I know deep down, that despite what the tell me, maybe, one day, you'll wake up from this. It's been a year Phil. A year of this. I.... I'm not sure how much more I can take."

I sit there for a minute as the tears slide silently down my face. Wiping my face, I lean over and press a kiss to his forehead before straightening myself up. I grab my jeans and throw them on, but leave his shirt on. I'll take anything he gives me.

"Goodbye, Phil. I love you."

As I'm walking out the door, I pause when I notice his notebook sitting on the table. Normally I never look in it, but I notice that it's been left open to a page in the back. I can't help but look, and my hands start shaking as I read. I place it back, and as quietly as possible, I leave. Tears cloud my eyes as his written words replay in my mind.

His name is Dan. You love him. Please don't forget.