Afraid to Love

Prologue

December 28th, 2015.

"Cause I got a pocket,

Got a pocketful of sunshine,

I got a love and I know that it's all mine,

Oh, oh oh"

I sang along to the popular and catchy song, "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield. I looked at my boyfriend, Jason, who sat in the backseat with me.

"I got a love and I know that it's all mine," I spoke to him. My mother laughed at me through the rear view mirror, peeling her eyes from the road to smile at me.

"You two are too precious," she said with her soft, angelic voice. Little did I know those would be the last words she spoke to me.

Jason laughed, "Love yo- Mrs. Wittmore! Watch out!" Jason said with wide eyes as he looked at the blinding yellow headlights heading straight towards us.

It all happened in seconds. In seconds, I lost the two most important people in my life.

My mother's eyes whipped back to the road, the whites of her eyes becoming huge as she let off the gas and went for the brakes. Her screams rang throughout the car as we made impact.

I screamed, grabbing Jason's hand in attempt to hold onto him for as long as I could. Our hands were ripped away as the car crunches under the impact of the head on collision. My eyes closed on instinct, as if that would save me from the crash.

The tires squealed against the slick road. Glass sprinkled the road like snowflakes, metal clanged against the ground and echoed, like someone beating on a gong.

I felt the cold air nip tauntingly at my skin, grasping me and taking me into the night. My body became cold, and I gripped the ground with my hands.

Snow.

I opened my eyes, looking down at my hands. My leg was on fire, and when I looked down at my legs, my left leg was twisted in a way it shouldn't have been.

"Mom? Jason?" My voice seemed to echo through the night. It seemed as if my voice echoed in my head, repeating those two words throughout my mind. My ears rang as I tried to sit up. I looked left.

I should've never looked left.

Jason lay in the snow, unmoving, with a piece of metal cutting through his abdomen. I saw those emerald green eyes for one last time as he moved a limp hand out in my direction.

"Ellie," his voice cracked through the night, broken, and trying to hold onto his breath.

Those emerald eyes closed.

I let my head hit the snow, and let out an ear piercing scream as if that would do anything for me.

My brain wasn't processing that I had just lost the love of my life.

I realized I had yet to see my mother anywhere.

It would've been better if I had never saw her.

I looked up again, wiping the snow from my red nose and pale lips, I looked towards the two cars. I saw my mother. And in that moment, I knew I would never be able to unsee what I was looking at.

My mother, still in the car, with the seat belt cutting into her neck. The airbag was lightly pressed against her body, and just like Jason, a piece of metal from the opposing vehicle was punctured right into her chest.

I screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

Arms wrapped around my body and I whipped my head around, looking at a solemn-faced firefighter who picked me up into his arms.

"You can't! You can't leave them like that!" I screamed at him, fighting against my arms as my leg aches in a burning pain.

He didn't speak to me. It fueled my sudden rage. I fought and punched at his hard chest, but I came to no avail as he placed me on a stretcher and handed me off to the paramedics.

I fought against them all, but my body was telling me to stop fighting.

Let them help you, Ariella.

I nearly gave up. I watched everyone around me, looking at them with terrified oceanic eyes. "They're dead, aren't they?"

The paramedic looked down at me, away from my shattered leg. He sighed, and spoke nothing.

I knew what that meant. The no response meant I was right. And as I listened to the sirens blare and the paramedics frantic voices as they tried to stop the bleeding on my broken, shattered leg, I knew things had changed.

For better? I didn't know. I didn't think so.

For worse? Probably. I lost everyone.

That's all I could think about. It was all that was running through my mind my entire hospital stay.

I lost everyone.