Kalopsia

Falling

Im falling, falling, falling further towards the ground.
I'm lying on my back facing the stars as I sense the ground coming closer.
I roll around and face my final resting place
Just a little bit further
Almost there

And then I wake up.

I never do get to see how that dream ends, I have it almost every night.
It feels so real though, like I've lived through the moment before.
It scares me sometimes, the feeling of getting so close to death but never reaching it.

What if when you die you just relieve you last day over and over, from the point you wake up to the moment you die.
Then you wake up and the vicious cycle of loneliness starts again.

I make my way out of the house remembering to lock the door behind me and I walk into the night, I walk no where in particular.
I just walk.

My mind has been like a tornado lately, spiralling out of control with thoughts people would be scared to think. But I'm used to it by now. I'm used to the constant feeling of dread, it's almost like... A friend.

I reach a tall building, looks like it hasn't been used in years.
But there's a ladder up to the top.

I ascend, one step at a time, getting higher and higher until I reach the top.
You can see everything from up here. You can see all the cars driving past, all the people walking down below, all the buildings on the horizon.

It makes me feel small and meaningless compared to the rest of the world.
What's new.

I walk towards the edge of the building and sit down, my feet dangle off the edge.
I look up at the stars and clear my mind.

I decide to stand up, my feet by the edge and arms at my side.
I don't want to see the rest of the world right now so I turn around and close my eyes.

But then a big gust of wind comes.
And I'm falling, falling, falling further towards the ground.
My mind is clear, no fear or regret plagues my body
only content as I realise I finally know how my dream ends.
I sense the ground coming closer, I hear the screams of whoever is below, I feel death right at my fingertips and I'm inviting him to stay.

Just a little further

Almost there

And my body meets the ground in one final embrace.