Who Says You Can't? YOU DO

Before I Turned My Tide

BEFORE I TURNED MY TIDE

‘The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.’  -Martin Luther King Jr.

 Growing up as a child I always dreamed of a better life. I wasn’t as unfortunate as others, but I had a common want: to escape the world as I knew it, and what surrounded me every day. I remember thinking big from a young age, yet there always seemed something that prevented me from believing it would ever be my reality. As most kids do, I would watch people on TV, listen to singers, or see businessmen and wish I could achieve like that. My parents always attempted to create a happy environment for me and were always supportive, although kids see things in a different way to how their parents hope at times.

My father was a man that could be on either side of the equation. He could be extremely hard on one hand, and yet the most loving person I know on the other. Through his hard side he taught me a lot, though, and one major thing was that giving up just doesn’t cut it. Second was never good enough and he expected the most out of everything I committed to. It was tough to handle at times, yet I now see the massive effect those teachings had on where I am today. His ‘never give up’ attitude is something that will stay cemented in me forever. As for my mother, she never had a doubt or really questioned me. My parents didn’t have much money when I was growing up, and that was difficult to watch. My parents are both unconditionally loving people, and for that I am ever indebted. For some reason, though, I still didn’t like to hang around, or abide by the rules.

‘It’s not what you own in this world, it’s what legacy you leave behind that matters.’ -My mother

I began to find comfort in my grandfather and my aunty. When my parents moved from my grandparents’ home, I decided to stay put rather than move with them. I looked up to my grandfather as a role model because of his strong connection with his family and, among so much money and external respect, he had a sense of fulfilment. He seemed at peace with the world and used his strong mind to deal with all his family’s issues. On a daily basis he would go down to the local church and still serve as an altar boy. That was such an awakening; being young, I had a misconception of what it was like to be successful. I equated success to money, only to grow up and appreciate that he was really rich, abundant in all areas, not only in the monetary sense.

One of the hardest moments of my life was when my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. As a twelve year old I would kneel in the shower, crying and praying to God to cure him. Without realising it at the time, I was trying to cure myself of the emotional pain and suffering I was about to endure. After three long years, my grandfather finally gave up his battle with cancer. As expected, my battle in life was just beginning. The world around me seemed to crumble. The rock of the family was gone, and a deep sense of loss would follow me for many years to come.

Living in a working class suburb of Melbourne, I thought my opportunities were limited. Anger towards the world really started to build up. I chose to run instead of facing it. I began losing all sense of direction, and became a child who would go out just to cause problems. Nearly getting kicked out of school, getting into vicious fights and having little respect for the world were becoming my way of life.

My friends at the time seemed to show me a lot of love. We would hang out in the backstreets all night just thinking how we would get our next laugh. That laugh didn’t really have many boundaries and would go against authority. I was on a one-way road to self-destruction. I knew all along that what I was doing wasn’t a true reflection of who I really was, but I was living the way I thought I had to. I guess it was for attention, acceptance, praise, recognition, selfish satisfaction, and every other feeling that leads to unhappiness.